ASYLUM - For all mankind

Women: "Star Wars" Burlesque results in permanent ink.

Weird: Beauty contest celebrates sexy turkey legs.

Mantastic: 7-year-old thwarts gunman.

Video: Captain Pooties movie pitch could be the best movie pitch ever.

Masterclash: Takes on the Apocalypse.

Comics Alliance: The best and worst cosplay outfits.

StreetLevel: "The Shining" cuckoo clock.

Twins!
Hot twins! (The Chive)

Keyboard Cat Reincarnated (Buzzfeed)

Funniest Sports Signs (Uncoached)

Mike Rowe Slips a Dirty Joke Into "Sesame Street" (College Humor)
Angry Police Chiefs
Stop acting like a cowboy! (Maxim)
The Trippiest Moments of Adult Swim
Watch these on drugs. (Adult Swim)
Everyone's Talking About Lady Gaga's New Video
Because it is crazy. You should go ahead and watch it to get it over with. (I-Am-Bored)

Required viewing from the week in movies.

The spine-tingling Korean murder mystery "Mother" is director Bong Joon-ho's follow-up to the awesome monster movie "The Host." This time out, the story involves a mother who must defend her son when he is accused of murder. With only two features under his belt, Joon-ho is proving that he can tackle any genre. Perhaps a zombie musical-comedy could be next?

Also in theaters:
-- Matt Damon re-teams with his "Bourne Supremacy" director for the Iraq War drama "Green Zone." And (wouldn't you know it?) it looks like "Bourne in Baghdad."
-- Poor Jay Baruchel. So funny in "Undeclared." He deserves better than subpar Judd Apatow comedies like "She's Out of My League."
-- If your girlfriend drags you to see the romantic weepie "Remember Me" this weekend, beware the Twi-hards. They'll bite ya! (Or at least try to before getting distracted by RPattz's piercing blue eyes.)

A new movement has sprung up that's asking Americans to put the teabags down and grab a hot cup of joe in the name of civic concern. Coffee Party USA kicks off this weekend, and it aims to show that the Tea Party movement doesn't speak for all frustrated Americans. Founder Annabel Park started the movement on Facebook, and it has quickly grown to over 100,000 members.

The basic idea of the Coffee Party seems to be radical consensus-building, an interesting concept that will be executed this weekend at Coffee Parties across the country and immortalized on the group's Flickr page. Will they be able to capture the popular imagination without Hitler signs and regressive costumes? Keep reading to see the group's video, and find out what their spokesman told us about mixing caffeine and politics.

Our happy hour fact to amaze your drinking buddies with.

Every study on the relationship between porn and sex crimes concludes that when the availability of pornography increases, the rate of sex crimes either stays static or decreases.

For example, in the United States, there has been a consistent decline in forcible rape over the last two decades. At the same time, porn has flooded the marketplace. Research from Denmark, Sweden, Germany, Japan, China, Poland, Finland and the Czech Republic shows a similar correlation.

It is true that just about all sex offenders in societies with liberal pornography laws have previously viewed porn. But so has just about all of the non-criminal males in those societies.

In fact, when comparing rapists to non-rapists in U.S. prisons, the big difference in terms of pornography viewership is that the rapists are more likely than the rest of the general prison population to have been punished for looking at porn as a youngster.

So, yes, your favorite porn starlet really is a hero.

The brilliant and sick minds at aussieBum claim to have created what they say are sustainable underoos using fabric derived from the bark of the banana tree. (Technically, the banana tree is a plant, not a tree -- don't say you never learned anything from us).

Banana tree fiber is not the only component to these drawers; they're blended with organic cotton and Lycra, providing comfort for those times when you need to go work the banana harvest and you don't feel like wearing pants.

Safety tip: Do not wear your banana briefs anywhere near your local zoo's gorilla house or when you're having a sit-down with Doctor Zaius.

These monkey bottoms in "banana hipster white" can be yours for $29.

Here's this week's most outrageous relationship red flag story from the editors of The Little Black Blog of Big Red Flags.

The Story: I am an aspiring stand-up comedian in the Detroit area with a list of, shall I say, "groupies" who like to follow my so-called career on a certain social networking site. Some of these girls I find very attractive, and, being a single guy, I like to explore my options.

There is a certain girl, we will call her Sara, who likes to respond to my posts about upcoming shows, usually with regrets about how she would love to come, but cannot find a babysitter for the evening (which some would say is a red flag of it's own). I almost always tell her, no worries, maybe next time.

Last week I received a message from Sara that said, "Great news, I finally found a babysitter who doesn't mind being paid in weed and painkillers. So guess what that means?" Fighting every urge to write back, "that you're a sh--ty mom," I went with the second obvious answer, "that you will be at my next show."

And she was ... at my next performance, as well as a simply horrible mother.

Got a red flag story? Submit it by visiting The Little Black Blog of Big Red Flags or emailing bigredflags@gmail.com.

Since man first scrawled pornography on cave walls, he has wondered: Is my lady actually into this? Asylum is equally curious about whether women are turned on by porn, so we set out to inquire about that very subject from the floor of the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas. Fortunately, we were able to get porn star Bobbi Starr, who was a big winner that weekend taking home a coveted AVN Award for Most Outrageous Sex Scene, to get the ladies to open up.

A recent Denny's television advertisement, offering unlimited pancakes and fries to mark the 150th anniversary of Ireland's potato famine, has provoked the unexpected ire of Irish-Americans across the internet.

The ad, which ran in late February and has since disappeared online, touted unlimited starchy treats to customers in celebration of the Great Hunger's end. The potato blight that caused the famine in the late 1840s resulted in the death of one million and the emigration of another two million, mainly to Boston's South End.

Just days after the ad first aired, a "Boycott Denny's" Facebook page appeared, demanding an official apology from the chain. We tracked down the campaign's leader to see what the fuss is all about.

In a scenario worthy of a Magilla Gorilla cartoon, a dope-fiend monkey is on the lam in Tampa Bay and has eluded capture for more than a year, despite being spotted by hundreds of people and shot at least a dozen times with tranquilizer darts.

"All we've done is manage to turn him into a drug addict," said lead trapper Vernon Yates, owner of Wildlife Rescue and Rehabilitation in Seminole, Fla.

"I've darted him at least a dozen times myself; for whatever reason, the drugs don't seem to be affecting him. He manages to climb over fence after fence after fence and by the time you go to these people's houses and ask permission to go in the backyard, he's gone."

The monkey, thought to be a male rhesus macaque about three years old, has been turning up in backyards and public places -- and evading trappers -- for months.

Where he's been spotted
The first published report came in January 2009, when the unnamed critter was first seen in Clearwater, FL. Most recently, the monkey (who really needs a name) popped up March 7 in a banyan tree in a swanky neighborhood in St. Petersburg, where a woman reportedly chased him with a banana.

Read about more monkey sightings and see a video of the little fella after the jump.