Worst Times to Get a Boner
Basically, you never want to have a boner when someone needs to grab onto something. (Cracked)

60 Sexy Girls in Tube Socks. (COED)

15 Very Cool Early Beatles Pics. (Uncoached)

A Brief History of Photobombing. (Holy Taco)

Life After Comics for "100 Bullets"? (Bam! Kapow!)
Girl With Strangely Long Armpit Hair
Don't click this link if you don't want to be a bit grossed out. (I-Am-Bored)
Michael Jackson Tattoos Come Out of the Woodwork
Someone's got some regretting to do. (The Chive)
All of the "Robot Chicken" Transformers Clips
Optimus Prime has prostate cancer. (Adult Swim)

Our happy hour fact to amaze your drinking buddies with.

Bottled water has a nonsensical expiration date because of New Jersey regulations.

In 1987, New Jersey passed a law that required all food products sold within the state to have an expiration date of less than two years from manufacturing. Instead of using different packaging for water headed toward the Garden State, bottled water producers decided to put "drink by" dates on every bottle, even though water doesn't go bad.

Although New Jersey amended the law to exempt bottled water a few years ago, most water bottles continue to feature an expiration date.

While this isn't the first time New Jersey is the solution to a confusing mystery, it may be the first time the mystery doesn't have a disturbing odor.

Click here to have Happy Hour Hero delivered to your desktop every pour time.

Required playing from the week in video games.

"NCAA Football 10"'s new "TeamBuilder" mode allows you to create your favorite FCS, historical, or high school team and upload them online. Can we pit the team from "Rudy" against the "Friday Night Lights" bunch?
"The Bigs 2" turns your average baseball player into a powered-up, hitting, pitching and fielding machine. Maybe in the next game you'll form a commission to investigate illegal turbo-boost usage in the "Bigs" series.
"Sherlock Holmes: The Mystery of the Mummy" takes your DS on an adventure through a well-appointed gothic mansion. It'll have you exclaiming, "Nice drapes!" on the subway in no time.
While "The Conduit" looks a bit like "Metal Gear" meets "Doom," it does feature a story line that makes you the pawn of aliens and the U.S. government. Since when does Art Bell write video games?

Striking a powerful blow for gardening enthusiasts everywhere, the Nevada Supreme Court has ruled that a Vegas man can keep his personalized HOE license plate.

William Junge claims that he chose the plate for his Chevy Tahoe in 1999 after "TAHOE" wasn't available. After trying to cancel his plate, the DMV retaliated by quoting the Urban Dictionary definition of hoe as a prostitute. But the high court upheld Junge's right to use HOE, determining that "a reasonable mind would not accept the Urban Dictionary entries alone as adequate to support a conclusion that the word 'HOE' is offensive or inappropriate."

We're torn on this one. While we have always believed Urban Dictionary to be the premiere source of accurate linguistic information, we also like to laugh at dirty words on license plates. If HOE goes, what word with both regular and hilarious meanings will be next? We can see why the ACLU got involved in this one.

After the jump, check out more amazing vanity plate disasters.

There was a time when "Transformers" was so much more than a crappy, unwatchable Michael Bay hackjob. In addition to being a comic book and cartoon, it was an unstoppable merchandising juggernaut. Now, despite Bay's efforts, "Transformers" continues to spread its brand in a variety of formats, including Nike sneaks.

The shoes, sadly, do not turn into menacing robots, but Walyou reports that at least three different models, ranging between $100 and $200, will have packaging designed like the original toys, including the fake spectral technical readout on each bot's strengths.

Like with all the toys we mangled back in the day, we wish we'd held onto our Transformers. Just two years ago a widow sold off her husband's complete original Transformer toys for a cool million. (Yes, there are some rich geeks out there.)

She's been a child star, a pre-teen train wreck, an anti-drug advocate, a comeback kid and America's sweetheart. But never in almost 30 years of carrying the mantle for our nation's oldest acting family has Drew Barrymore given in to the thespian's ultimate conceit -- the director's chair.

Until now, that is, as our friends at FilmDrunk are reporting Barrymore has helmed a roller-derby-themed comedy in which she will also co-star with Ellen Page and Kristen Wiig.

And, well, we can't help but be into the idea of hot chicks in fishnets beating the crap out of each other on roller skates gracing the silver screen. But these days there are so many scintillating novelty sports, from the Pillow Fight League to the Wife Carrying Championships. Is the skating rink the choicest locale to help girls lure their boyfriends to this chick flick?

July is National Grilling Month. To celebrate, "Low & Slow" co-author Colleen Rush will be offering up vital bits of barbecue wisdom every Thursday throughout the month.

When you're learning the art of low-and-slow barbecue, it's best to practice your technique (think: fire, temperature control, and wood smoke) on chicken. Why? If you tank the cook, you're only out about $8 for the bird, not $30 in baby back ribs.

Soaking the chicken in a marinade or brine increases your margin for error. These highly acidic or salty solutions make the meat juicy and tender and add flavor. This makes for great-tasting smoked chicken, even if you screw up the cook.

Most people are satisfied using store-bought marinades, but that's why most people are not good on the grill. Using a basic formula, you can make your own marinade or brine with ingredients readily available in your pantry.

Check out how easy it is to make your own marinade and brine concoctions, after the jump.

If there is one thing that video game nerds hate, it is sunlight. If there's a second thing video game nerds hate, it is movies based off their beloved games. Those movies suck. All of them. You know a movie genre is bad when arguably "Mortal Kombat" is the best it has to offer. Nevertheless, every month more and more video game licenses are being bought by Hollywood production companies to eventually become horrendous films for no one's enjoyment. The list is nearly endless of great games that they screwed up: "Tekken," "Castlevania," "God of War," "World of Warcraft," "Metal Gear Solid" and so on.

No matter how great the original game is the Hollywood studio heads will inevitably add their own brilliant ideas to turn it into trash. After the jump are three insanely well-received video games that are being turned into movies and how they will eff them up.

When you mix men's lifestyle bloggers, malt liquor and a moderator who believes he's the illegitimate son of John McLaughlin, you get Masterclash. It's Asylum's new podcast series where guests engage us in lively debate over the most pressing issues of our time. In the debut, featuring the co-founders of Manic Attack, we discuss three topics: what to look for in a mistress, the ShamWow Guy's future, and the story of a British man who circumcised himself with a finger nail clipper.

Click here to check out the inaugural Masterclash, after the jump. (And look for the podcast to soon be available on iTunes.)

Congratulations to reader Pierre, winner of today's Noble Prize and the weekly giveaway of the official Asylum shirt, courtesy of Palmer Cash. The tee features the narwhal -- enemy of halibut, champion of awesome and unicorn of the sea.

And what exactly did Pierre do to deserve this? Why, nothing at all except leave a comment. Each week, we'll randomly select one commenter to receive a free shirt.

That means if you want one, all you've got to do is give us a piece of your mind in the comments section of any of our posts. The more you comment, the better chance you have of winning.

So, Pierre, enjoy your prize! Now that this is the sexiest item in your wardrobe, you can use that hastily bought ironic three-wolf-moon shirt as a spank rag. (Click here to view Pierre -- second from right -- and his buds in full macking attire.)