Feb 6th 2008 By Asylum Staff

Asylum's Top 10 Occupations Inaccurately Associated With Sexiness

While we were recently tidying up the "workplace" section of the Asylum adult film library, it suddenly hit us: Certain jobs are inexplicably synonymous with sex.

Take this "nurse" for instance. Has any nurse who ever stitched you up, pumped your stomach or bathed your grandmother looked like this one? (If so, we want directions to the emergency room and/or hospice where she works.)

Such images make it tough for us to separate fantasy from reality. So, to flex our journalistic muscles, we've decided to break down these myths, from the curvy cowboy to the luscious lifeguard.

Now, open up and say aah.

Inexplicably Sexy Jobs

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Monday 18 February

By Karl

Neutral

As someone who recently retired from nursing, I can attest 100% that today's nurses aren't sexy by any standard...but they are bimbos who wanna be Doctors. I can only thank God almighty that I have managed to retire without having one of my idiot fellow nurses expose me to AIDS, Hepatitis or any other number of nasties, and can thank God Almighty that the military trains compatent corpsmen who keep the military nurses from killing anybody. It's the Doctors who keep the people alive...NOT the nurses...who only follow orders and sometimes follow them badly and it's the Pharmacists who keep the Doctors and Nurses from killing anybody by controlling the medications. Meanwhile, it's the poorly trained, underpaid Nurses Aides who do all the real nursing and dirty work like emptying bedpans, while the BSN nurses all sit around and bitch about their boyfriends and husbands. Nursing STINKS as a profession. In civilian life, I caught fellow nurses stealing controlled medications (i.e. narcotics) caught them having sex with patients and caught them ABUSING patients (one of the last nurses I busted had crammed a sock in a disoriented patient's mouth to keep him quiet.) When I retired early, my supervisor, wondered why I (a superior nurse with consistant 5 star evaulations) was leaving so rapidly. I looked at her wistfully and said, "Need you ask?" She smiled. Nursing stinks. Perhaps the reason we got a reputation for being sexy is that some civilian nurses do screw patients in their rooms occasionally. Next life I don't want ANYTHING to do with nursing at least in a civilian context. I don't want to go near a hospital, and anybody that talks to me about the "nobility" of the healing professions will get a sock crammed in their mouth. I'd rather be a PORN STAR. If by some quirk of fate, God decides to put me back in a healing profession then let me be a corps/person and get my rank as a Warrant Officer rather than as a Nurse. That way when I get out of the military I can go to work as a paramedic and do something really useful to help people. BSN stands for Bullshit Nurse in my book. Better a Warrant Officer corps person than a Bullshit Nurse with a bunch of "scrambled eggs" on her cap.

Wednesday 04 June

By DEBBIE

Neutral

kARL, I DOUBT YOU WERE A SUPERIOR NURSE BECAUSE IF YOU WERE , YOU WOULDNT HAVE TO ANNOUCE IT AND AS A TRAUMA CRITICAL CARE NURSE IM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT NURSES DO MOST OF THE DIRTY WORK AND WE NOTICE THE CHANGES IN PATIENT CONDITION AND NOTIFY DOCTORS . I HAVE SAVED MANY PATIENTS LIVES AS HAVE THE OTHER NURSES I WORK WITH. DONT KNOW WHERE YOU WORKED BUT EVERYONE THERE MUST HAVE SUCKED LIKE YOUR ATTITUDE.

Monday 18 February

By K

Neutral

Wow Karl,
You are A-N-G-R-Y! Obviously you have some kind of hatred towards the professional BSN, and as a BSN I am offended. This comment you have posted shows your lack of education/professionalism which you are taught in 4 years of nursing school. If you did find a co-worker having sex with a patient or stealing narcotics you are required to report them, and if their bad behaviors have disturbed you, you have a responsibility to get help yourself: Counseling.
"When I retired early, my supervisor, wondered why I (a superior nurse with consistant 5 star evaulations) was leaving so rapidly." So rapidly, huh, sounds like you have a hard time keeping a job.
"Perhaps the reason we got a reputation for being sexy is that some civilian nurses do screw patients in their rooms occasionally." By the way you are no longer a nurse so don't use "we". You need to realize that with any job people cross that line that should not be crossed, you have to deal with it & let it go or it will rule your life & make you ANGRY.
I am a sexy female nurse & always will be, I know better than to cross that line.
Maybe you need to show the military this comment & have them stick a sock in your mouth to shut you up!

Monday 18 February

By James Corcoran

Neutral

In the 70's I was in St. Raphael's Hospital in New Haven, CT. There was at that time a beautiful little blonde nurse, in about her late 20's that worked the second shift and would come in and give me a back rub in the evening. I wish that I felt well enough to enjoy it then, but I'll never forget her looks...

Monday 18 February

By Deborah Kearns

Neutral

As a cardiac nurse myself, I feel that the portrayals of nurses as sexual objects and/or bimbos is quite offensive. Nursing is probably one of the most difficult professions. Without nurses...many patients would not survive....and I don't just mean literally....I mean mentally. Nurses need to be intelligent but also must be able to use that intelligence to critically think in a multitude of situations. And....dealing with the psychological aspect of patients experiencing an ordeal in their life, is not easy. It takes a special person! Fantasy is one thing b/c we know it is not real....But to believe or hope that if you are in the hospital that your nurse is HOT and sexy is just ignorant. Let me ask you.....If you just had your chest cracked open in order to repair 3 major vessels in your heart and replace a valve.....When you become aware of the pain and the road ahead to recovery....Do you really care what your nurse looks like? Or do you pray that you have a nurse that will see you through to recovery safely and efficiently while offering mental support and guidance?
The bottom line is....it is bad enough that we are underpaid....but it would make it better to be respected for what we do above all!

Monday 18 February

By Deborah Kearns

Neutral

I have one more comment to make after noticing a comment posted by Karl. You are the most ignorant person to post such a comment. Not everyone likes their profession but to say such harsh and ridiculous statements undermining the profession you chose just b/c you had a bad experience, does not say much about you as a person. Yes, unfortunately not everyone that is a nurse is cut out for it but that is true in any profession. And clearly....you are one that was not cut out for it! PEOPLE make bad choices yes....not NURSES in particular. Bad choices are made in every profession. Choosing to sleep with a pt. or steal narcotics is a bad choice....not a choice made just by a nurse. Nurses have the means to steal narcotics...and yes should be reported and reprimanded if that occurs....however where is your empathy? You may not agree with it but who are you to judge a person that may be having a difficult time dealing with pressures in their life? They may need help....as you probably do!
And...for you to say that nurses don't save lives is ludacris. They JUST carry out doctors orders! That is absurd. I don't know what kind of nurse you were or how you practiced. But I can't count the number of times I have had to question an order by a doctor, or question why certain things were not ordered!! Not to rain on the doctors parade...but no one is perfect and in the medical field...it is truly the teamwork of everyone involved that increases the level of pt. care. Yes, pharmacists are a huge help...but even they make mistakes. The bottom line is the nurse is the last line to the pt. and has to be an independent thinker in order to keep pts safe. Yes, nurses can make mistakes...but to error is human. Most errors made are do to glitches in the system and can be fixed if recognized. How dare you ridicule the profession based on some people you have encountered? I think you need to take a long look in the mirror. The only problem with nursing is that someone as closed-minded as you would actual become one!

Monday 03 March

By labata

Neutral

Karl you suck!

Monday 03 March

By Noelle

Neutral

I dunno about lifeguards. I was a lifeguard for 7-years and I've never worked with girls who had bigger chests. Most of us were NOT "competitive" swimmers though, and didn't have the very odd shaped body that lends a girl.

I'd say a better part of our staff were C-Cups or larger (including my one friend that we aptly called 'Bombs' because of her Double D's!)

But it's definitely not the care-free summer job everyone assumes it is! You try pulling a nearing the 300lbs mark man out of the riptide in the morning. Gooooood times.

Monday 03 March

By S

Neutral

As an RN I find this stereotype annoying, but actually, my unit IS pretty hot! The majority of the nurses are in their 20s, and very pretty in addition to being sociable and just attractive all around (including the guys). But I'm all for breaking the stereotype all the same!

Monday 03 March

By jmw

Neutral

Surely you must have another venue to fulfill your need for sexy . the world abounds with sexy .... sexy women are like trains there WILL be another along if you can wait. While you're waiting reflect upon the fact that your nurse is the last line of defense between you and your doctor. nurses are patient advocates. we are plain, pretty and beautiful , tall, short, fat , thin, young and old. Just like our patients.

Monday 03 March

By S

Neutral

And P.S., I agree that Karl sucks. I mean dude, I'm sorry you've had bad experiences working in horrible facilities, but it's wrong to characterize a WHOLE PROFESSION and generalize to ALL HOSPITALS based on your bad experiences. That's just unreasonable and ignorant.

I work in the ICU, and nurses DO NOT just blindly "follow orders" given by the doctors...we bring issues to the doctors attention and make suggestions and COLLABORATE with them as fellow professionals. We're not a bunch of dumb brainless servants. At times, we do things for patients independently and have to bug the doctors to put in orders as a formality. And when doctors make mistakes and give orders that don't make sense, we protect our patients from them by catching these mistakes and not following them blindly. If you don't think nurses save lives, again, you're just being ignorant. Who sees the V-tach first and saves the patient's life with a precordial thump? Who sees the patient in respiratory distress and unplugs their trach? Also, not to take away from the credit that nurse aides deserve for their jobs, in our ICU at least, the BSNs are the ones cleaning up poop and vomit and doing all the dirty work...we work our as*es off for our patients, thank you very much.