Paranoia Alert: Giant Pythons Crossing America!

We're always looking for new things that will stoke our innate paranoia, and we didn't have to add much coal to get the fires burning this time.

Large Burmese pythons are slithering across the country, from Florida toward the Bay Area!

Make no mistake, these are snakes that can strangle and swallow an entire alligator!

At this point, it's unclear where the snakes will end up. (They might get side-tracked and mesmerized by the world's largest ball of twine or at the Museum of Salt & Pepper Shakers.) We also don't know what affect pythons this size will have on Samuel L. Jackson's career.

Still, the article says that the Bay Area might seem an inviting destination for the snakes, which can weigh as much as 250 pounds and travel as quickly as 20 miles per month. Only one-third of the United States has a comfortable enough climate for the snakes, according to the U.S. Geological Survey.

They're moving slowly, but they're coming. One snake was already found to have made it about 100 miles west. (Look for the new Asylum office in Alaska.)

One way to defeat the python onslaught might just be to eat them. Hey, it's not unprecedented -- take a look at what other weird stuff passes for food around the globe.


But in the worst case scenario, we can always rely on Sam...