With Burmese pythons making their way across the country from Florida to California, we've been wondering one thing: Where the hell is Samuel L. Jackson to sort this shiznit out?

Just in case you need a reminder, Burmese pythons were first introduced into Florida's native habitat by irresponsible pet owners. With few predators, they have been steadily spreading. Now, thanks to global warming, they could get all the way to California!

We're not sure if Samuel L. Jackson has ever actually killed a snake, but between "Snakes on a Plane" and "Black Snake Moan" he sure seems to kill a lot of snakes on screen. (He kills a snake in "Black Snake Moan," right?) In any case, if Sammy J. showed up on the cover of Time holding a severed python head, we think it'd be a nice morale booster for the country.

But who would win in a fight?*

See the stats and vote for a winner after the jump.

Samuel L. Jackson:

Strengths: This man has spent a lifetime playing the most badass roles on the planet: Jules Winnfield, Mace Windu and John Shaft. Presumably, he knows a thing or two about handling himself in a brawl.

Mobility: According to IMDB, Samuel L. Jackson has starred in 111 movies with no sign of stopping any time soon. So, yeah, he can get around pretty quickly.

Special Ability: He has the voice of God, literally. Jackson recorded an audio-book version of the New Testament. If the snakes get too close, he'll just command them away with all the vocal power of the Holy Spirit.

Pythons:

Strengths: Pythons can grow up to 23 feet long and weigh 250 lbs. They kill their prey by wrapping themselves around it and choking it to death.

Mobility: Pythons can move up to 20 miles a month. They are also excellent swimmers and climbers, so you are not safe from them on the land, in the water or in the air (see "Snakes on a Plane").

Special Ability: A Burmese python can eat an alligator whole. An alligator.

Winner: The Python. We're sorry Samuel L. Jackson, but the pythons are just too strong. The human race is doomed! Doomed!