Pickled to Perfection: 10 Hammered Heroes

Our Top Ten Favorite Drunks

• Our Top Ten Favorite Drunks

  10. Winston Churchill
  Prime Minister, author, Nobel Prize winner -- Sir Winston accomplished more on a typical hungover Sunday than most of us do during our entire lives. We can barely be bothered to go out for brunch most weekends.
  
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• Our Top Ten Favorite Drunks

  9. Slash
  Though he's no longer a raging alkie, have you ever seen the artist formerly known as Saul Hudson not pictured with a bottle filled with something or other? And, of course, there was his memorable obscenity-laden acceptance speech at the1990 American Music Awards. Well, memorable to us anyway. We doubt Slash remembers much of anything that happened during the early '90s.
  
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• Our Top Ten Favorite Drunks

  8. Nick Nolte
  Even before his infamous mugshot, Nolte perpetually looked like he'd just come off a six-week bender. For a lesson in the perils of heavy drinking check out Nolte's performance opposite Julia Roberts in "I Love Trouble," a film that could only have been made while heavily under the influence.
  
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• Our Top Ten Favorite Drunks

  7. Dorothy Parker
  Parker famously said, "Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses." But they do go for gals who can fill glasses and then drink them under the Algonquin Round Table, and Ms. Parker could down a vodka gimlet faster than you can say "the dry wit of Robert Benchley."
  
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• Our Top Ten Favorite Drunks

  6. Janis Joplin
  So associated with hard drinking is Miss Janis that it's hard to listen to her sing without feeling like your liver's filling to the brim with Southern Comfort. (The phrase "booze-soaked vocals" was practically invented for her.) Janis still makes Amy Winehouse sound like Miley Cyrus.
  
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• Our Top Ten Favorite Drunks

  5. Andy Capp
  Everyone's favorite comic-strip rummy has been tossing back pints and threatening his long-suffering wife Flo with violence since 1957. Seriously, isn't it time that Social Services took a long, hard look at that marriage?

• Our Top Ten Favorite Drunks

  4. Ernest Hemingway
  The prototypical hard-drinking author, Papa Hemingway has given generations of mediocre writers an excuse to wail into their beers about their unpublished masterpieces. Still, as fine an author as he was, we figure his fondness for creepy, multi-toed cats must have had something to do with large quantities of alcohol.
  
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• Our Top Ten Favorite Drunks

  3. Betty Ford
  Although Gerald Ford was renowned for falling over all the time, it turns out Betty was the one with a drinking problem! While we would never make light of Mrs. Ford's struggles (excluding the preceding joke), it should be noted that having a rehab center named after you definitely earns you a place in the pantheon of hard drinkers. Plus, she's currently the third-longest-living former First Lady. Top that, Mamie Eisenhower!
  
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• Our Top Ten Favorite Drunks

  2. Bender from 'Futurama'
  Bender's name doesn't just refer to his function as a robot who bends things: Liquor is his life's blood. Now if only he'd get toasted and punch out that wussy robot from "Lost In Space."

• Our Top Ten Favorite Drunks

  1. Keith Richards/Captain Jack Sparrow
  The most inspiring drunk of our time. Richards is such a notorious and charismatic drunk that Johnny Depp based Jack Sparrow on him and then coerced Richards into playing his drunken, pirate father in the third film. As rum-soaked as Capt. Jack is, he pales in comparison to Richards himself, who got so hammered he took a tumble out of a coconut tree.
  
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