If only Michael Jackson had an over-the-counter paternity test, the song "Billie Jean" and that line "the kid is not my son" might have been very different.

The new test takes three to five business days and claims to be 99 percent reliable. All you need to do is use one of the provided cotton swabs and send in a DNA sample.

You just have to brush a little DNA from the inside of your cheek -- and have no fear, chewing tobacco will not alter the results.

The lab fee is a little steep ($120) but will seem like a bargain compared to, say, paying for someone else's kid's college tuition.

You can also try Identigene's online paternity test, which is about double the price ($249). That prices makes sense, given how difficult it is to transfer DNA over a modem.