Ever seen a Holstein grazing suggestively on the side of the road and think to yourself, "I'd like to hump that rump roast"?

Well Moorestown, NJ, police officer Robert Mella, Jr., did and now he's facing multiple counts of animal cruelty.

Mella confessed to performing four sex acts on cows between June and December of 2006. (At least we think he fessed up, since it's doubtful the cattle provided investigators with such a specific time-line.)

For generations, mothers have been telling their daughters that "Men won't buy the cow when they can get the milk for free." Does that rule also apply when the "cow" is a cow? And, if so, what exactly is the "milk" in this analogy?

Maybe that's best left unsaid.