Nurses are regularly expected to put up with stuff that would make most people lose their lunches, and they do so while exhibiting grace and stoicism.So, for International Nurses' Day, we decided that trotting out a gallery of hot chicks in revealing scrubs might not show the appropriate respect.
Instead, I contacted my mom, a 25-year veteran nurse, to describe the strangest, most trying moment of her career, a true experience that combines the glory of birth with a disturbing amount of swearing and, gulp, masturbation.
Read the whole story (after the jump).
"I try to offer my patients my unconditional love for the short time I'm with them, although some make it very difficult.
One night shift, I pulled the short straw and was assigned a difficult patient; we'll call her Anita. Anita had the emotional level of a 12-year-old, and I tried to keep that in my mind when I was dealing with her.
She was having a baby, and I ordered an epidural for her and tried to make her as comfortable as possible. As Anita felt more pressure, I had to hold her face during every contraction, trying to make her concentrate.
She expressed her discomfort by screaming, 'I HAVE TO TAKE A F*****G S**T!' at the top of her lungs, inches from my face, for two hours straight.
Eventually, she ripped the IV from her arm, so I asked the on-charge nurse to come in and give me a break.
When I returned, there was Anita, masturbating in front of two nurses, her mother-in-law and her husband. I muttered to the nurse, 'If that's what gets her fully dilated, so be it.' Anita was soon able to deliver the baby, and they let me go home early that night, but she will remain my worst patient of all time.
The next morning I was delighted to receive flowers and a sweet card from my nurse manager."
There are plenty of nurses out there just like my mom. If you happen to see one today, say thanks.
