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At Asylum, we consider the body a sacred temple that shouldn't be debased. On the other hand, a tattoo of a dolphin in a recliner smoking a bong is wonderfully stupid.

Hence our fascination with the new book "No Regrets: The Best Worst, & Most #$%*ing Ridiculous Tattoos Ever."

A "No Regrets" tattoo is one that would stop you cold if you saw it on a girl right before you were about to hook up. It could also disqualify you from being a sperm donor.

So enjoy, just don't get drunk and end up getting the same tat as one of these poor saps.

Note: The photo captions are from the book as well.


No Regrets

    I bid $1, Bob.

    Don't make eye contact with this. Looking at Chuck Norris in the eyes is like watching "The Ring." You won't know it, but you'll be dead within a week.

    Okay, this is the best tattoo we've EVER seen. The artist told us this was the result of a lost bet (awesome). I can't decide who I want to give an awesome beej to more: the dude who thought of it or the dude who actually got it.

    Now preppies are getting tats? It's over people! Nothing to see here, folks. Go home to your families.

    Dwight, your father told you not to go in the shed!

    R.I.P. Ol' Dirty Foot,

    This guy doesn't need bongos and a bag of coke to bring the party. He just shows up in shorts with his PARTY LEGS and brings the PARTY VIBES. Even his grandchildren will be high-fiving him when he takes them fishing.

    There are about three million Chewy tattoos out there, but this is the funniest rendition I've ever seen. I could look at this every day for the rest of my life and still get a chuckle. Dude, look at it. It's. So. Good.

    "Snakes on a Plane" on a douchebag.

    This is what happens when chicks die: We turn into magical pink unicorns who get blazed by our big strong Pegasus boyfriends on a cloud in the middle of a rainbow. Then we get to smoke afterwards and nobody tells us it's a cliche.





Here are a few sights from the NYC Tattoo Convention and its best tat contests:



Worst Celebrity Tattoos

  • Worst Celebrity Tattoos

    Megan Fox. We hate to pick on someone as hot as Megan Fox. Unless she has a tattoo as lame as this obscure line from Shakespeare's "King Lear." We will all laugh at goofy ink. (Photos by checkoutmyink.com, maxim.com).

  • Worst Celebrity Tattoos

    19. Johnny Depp. Turns out Winona (Ryder) wasn't forever after all, but instead of burning off the entire tat, Johnny Depp cleverly had it shortened. And if he ever goes to rehab, he can just shorten it again to "No Forever." (Photos by tattoos-by-design.co.uk, flickr.com).

  • Worst Celebrity Tattoos

    18. Pink. Yes, that is a barcode on the back of singer Pink's neck, supposedly from one of her albums. Run her over a scanner and $1.98 pops up. (Photo by AP.)

  • Worst Celebrity Tattoos

    17. Travis Barker Travis Barker, sponsored in part by Cadillac. GM should pay him royalties to play shirtless on all Plus 44 tours. (Photo by Getty Images).

  • Worst Celebrity Tattoos

    16. Amy Winehouse. Poor Amy Winehouse. In addition to her well-publicized substance abuse problems, she has a body smothered in crappy tats. Check out the shirt pocket tat with "Blake's" above it (in honor of her husband). A nice idea, except she looks like someone who pumps gas at Blake's Corner Chevron. Fill 'er up, Amy! (Photo by Getty Images.)

  • Worst Celebrity Tattoos

    15. Angelina Jolie. Words of wisdom from Angelina Jolie's back. What, she never heard of bumper stickers? Hey, Angie: You have the right not to put dumb tats on that hot bod of yours. (Photos by chinadaily.com.cn, celebden.com).

  • Worst Celebrity Tattoos

    14. Bam Margera. We're not sure what's creepier: the bizarro tat of his Uncle Vito that Bam had done on his calf, or the fact that Vito was just convicted of sexual assault on a child. If we're Bam, we're having that thing burned off. Like, yesterday. (Photos by alloy.com, blogs.kansascity.com).

  • Worst Celebrity Tattoos

    13. Mark Wahlberg.Why put your initials and last name in permanent ink on your shoulder? So you don't have to pull out the cig dangling from your mouth if someone asks who you are. Just pull down your shirt and show 'em... without a word. Cool as ice. (Photos by vanishingtattoo.com, westlord.com).

  • Worst Celebrity Tattoos

    12. Cher. "If I could turn back time," Cher must be thinking, "I'd stop myself from getting this stupid tattoo put all over my ass." A little lower, and it would look like a big fart cloud. (Photo by AP).

  • Worst Celebrity Tattoos

    11. Tommy Lee. Oooooh, look out everyone. Tommy promises MAYHEM. Oh no. Not.. mayhem! Danger, bedlam, tomfoolery -- fine. But please, anything but mayhem. (Photo by Getty Images.)