Since Asylum worked out a sweetheart deal to automatically qualify for the Olympics, we put off training until last week. Obviously, that will probably hurt our chances in most events, but we're thinking we have an outside shot at medaling in judo. You may ask, "Why judo?" or "Won't Asylum's participation destroy every ounce of Olympic credibility?"

To this we answer, trust us, we've watched the following video over 50,000 times, studying it very, very closely. It's got everything you need to know about mastering judo. So look out, three-time Olympic champion Tadahiro Nomura, we're coming for you.