Do you suffer from headaches, chills and acute sensitivity to the dulcet tones of Bob Costas? If so, you may have Olympic fever ... or possibly dementia.In any case, this summer's games promise tons of exciting, and sometimes strange events. And synchronized swimming is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the most ridiculous contests in Olympic history.
Below is a gallery of some of the more bizarre events we could find, in hopes that some day a few will be reinstated. (We've already begun training for the pigeon shoot.)
Weirdest Olympic Events
Live pigeon shooting (1900) At the 1900 Paris Games, over 300 pigeons were slaughtered in an orgy of blood and feathers. Though it's dispute as to whether the event was sanctioned by the Olympic council, there's no disputing that Parisian sidewalks were cleaner for a brief period at the turn of the century.
Franziska Edwards, PETA / AP
Rope climb (1896, 1904, 1906, 1924, 1932) Rudimentary gym skills were all it took to win Olympic gold in the early 20th century, as this event basically consisted of shimmying up a rope. (Though without an insane gym teacher barking orders at you.)
Peter Stackpole, Time Life Pictures / Getty Images
Pistol Dueling (1906) No, it wasn't a recreation of Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton. Instead, contestants would fire at mannequins dressed in frock coats and bull's-eyes. We imagine contestants got into the right mindset by imagining the mannequins said something most foul about their dear sainted mothers.
Carl de Souza, AFP / Getty Images
Solo Synchronized Swimming (1992) As we've mentioned, we find synchronized swimming odd. But at least we get the principle that at least two swimmers are needed to be in sync. The idea behind this inane event was for the swimmer to be in sync with music (i.e. dancing alone in the water). Great.
Timothy A. Clary, AFP / Getty Images
Club Swinging (1904, 1932) This consisted of swinging a club festooned with ribbons around your body and head. Even worse, it was once called "Indian Club Swinging," which makes it both boring and racist.
fencer.wordpress.com
Tug-of-War (1900-1920) Yes, once upon a time, the game enjoyed by schoolchildren and corporate retreat-goers everywhere was actually considered an Olympic event. We hear competitive tug-of-war gave way to two other short lived events, 40 meter three-legged race and synchronized trust falls.
Topical Press Agency / Getty Images
All-around dumbbell contest (1904) There's nothing wrong with weightlifting competitions, per se. But no doubt if you won the curling champs would snicker when you walked by, twirling their old-timey mustaches. "There goes the all-around dumbbell champ!," they'd all say. "What a prat he is! Let's give him a good flogging and then take in a moving picture show."
London Stereoscopic Company / Getty Images
Motor Boating (1908) This one-time boat race was a disaster. The average speeds hit a pitiful 19 mph, the action was so far of the coast that no one could see it, and the rainy weather made it a total wash-out. And to add insult to injury, the name henceforth inspired snickering from schoolboys the world over.
Peter Stackpole, Time Life Pictures / Getty Images
Running Deer Single Shot (1906-1936) While not as inhumane as the pigeon shoot (contestants fired at moving paper targets), it's also about as exciting as watching your buddy play Big Buck Hunter on a slow bar night.
IOC Olympic Museum / Allsport / Getty Images
Long Jump For Horses Not to knock equestrians, but shouldn't the horses be getting the medal? After all, they're the ones performing the long jump. But yet you never see the horses standing up on the winner's podium or beaming proudly from the Wheaties box.
Allsport / Hulton Archive / Getty Images
Beach volleyball coverage has always been a bit titillating, but with the Olympics are just around the corner some news outlets are using them as an excuse to dress up old-fashioned T&A in a flimsy frock of supposed sports coverage.Case in point: NBCOlympics.com's feature on the hand signals of beach volleyball. Despite being titled "Cracking the Code," the article offers no actual information on the meanings of the various beach volleyball signals.
We felt at liberty to collect some of the most egregious examples of beach volleyball smut in one gallery, without even attempting to relate it to anything newsworthy. This way you can enjoy your gratuitous semi-nudity the honest way.
Most Egregious Beach Volleyball Photography
Beach Volleyball Photos
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Beach Volleyball Photos
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Wednesday 06 August
By Bernard
They forgot "The Plunge." It's a swimming race without all the swimming. People dove into the water to see how far they could go without moving.
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Thursday 07 August
By Donna
You may not understand or like the events which you deem to be odd, but you also have to remember that the games have gone through many generational fads. So, some "sports" that you demean because you don't like or understand them, were probably very popular during their heyday. I think your article and your captions are very rude and disrespectful.
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Thursday 07 August
By Don DeMaria
Sychronized swimming just looks stupid. It is something you should practice in your backyard swimming pool with other like minded fools where no one else can see you make a fool of yourself.
Thursday 07 August
By maureen miller
I am so sick of people bashing sychronized swimming. Those of you who do should try it sometime and see just how difficult it is to tread water or balance upside down in 12 or more feet of water while trying to stay syrchronized with other teammates or with music. There are four different competitions in the syrchro world-team, trio, duet and solo. No one ever seems to bash figure skaters for doing solos but because syncrho is done in water everyone thinks it is simple. I can assure you it's not. These girls train even at the youngest levels year round and are some of the most conditioned athletes you will ever see. I encourage everyone to watch olympic sychronized swimming coverage and truly think about what they are doing in the water. It is a combination of swimming, dance and gymnastics. Notice the flexibility and endurance these girls exhibit. But of course because it's a women's only sport it gets zero respect in the US (unlike other countries). Considering it is an American sport it's truly a shame that we have allowed it to become a joke.
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Thursday 07 August
By Jeanne
Synchronized swimming is no different than figure skating or the floor exercise in gymnastics. It takes a certain athletic skill and putting it to music. Swimming is swimming. The idea is to go fast. Sychronized swimming is artistic swimming to music. It NEVER meant that it was supposed to be synchronized with other swimmers. So solo synchronized swimming is not an oxymoron. However, I would like to see the moron who wrote this piece spend just 10 minutes trying to perform even the most basic skills that synchronized swimmers do. It takes tremendous talent and athletic ability, not to mention years and years of training, to perform at the level Olympic synchronized swimmers do. So even if you don't like watching the sport, it's completely ignorant to discount it as unworthy of the Olympics.
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Thursday 07 August
By Vicki
Cami, you are hilarious. That was my exact thoughts... ha ha ha
Thursday 07 August
By Marian
oh my god. thanks you for saying that, i have done synchronized swimming for half of my life and i absolutly hate it when people mock it. I would really like to see them try 5 minutes doing some of the things we do.
Thursday 07 August
By caml
Thank goodness there were no visible tampon strings or pubic hair in those volleyball pics. hehe
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Thursday 07 August
By Smith
classy
Thursday 07 August
By nunyabeeswax
Yeah, no tampon strings or pubic hairs, but it did look like one of the ladies peed in her pants. I think it was #13.
Thursday 07 August
By kris
They have people dancing around with a ribbon on a stick......but no more baseball.I just dont get it!
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Thursday 07 August
By rc
SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING IS THE FARTHEST THING FROM RIDICULOUS... TRY IT!
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Thursday 07 August
By Pat
I disagree with what this article says about synchronized swimming... it is physically grueling and it takes an athlete to do it.
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Thursday 07 August
By minny
I'm sure there are some ass and crotch shots of guys out there that are even hotter! Why not show some of them????
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Thursday 07 August
By .
I agree with Donna. How is something like rope climbing or tug-of-war any more wierd than the track & field events of high jumping or shot put? Or how is long jump for horses any more wierd than the current horse jumping events?
The 'single shot' event at paper deers is no more odd than today's Olympic event of bow & arrow at a paper target -- in fact, the moving paper deer seems more difficult!
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Thursday 07 August
By Bob
Jeanne,
That WWE pro wrestling crapola takes a lot of talent and athletic ability, too, but that's not to say it's a sport, much less worthy of Olympic status. Synchronized swimming in all its forms is a bad joke. Solo synchronized swimming? Doubly so.
>Synchronized swimming is no different than figure skating or the floor exercise in gymnastics.< True. All equally bullshit, all equally pseudosports. Those "sports" are rendered worthless because of their near-total adherence to subjective judging. When the costume or chirpy attitude factor into the scoring, it ain't a sport.
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Monday 11 August
By VICKIE
IF YOU THINK SYNCRONIZE SWIMMING IS EASY---I'LL BET YOU CAN'T DO IT
Thursday 07 August
By georgia
I just looked at some of the beach volleyball women-
honestly lets let Olympic women wear something that
covers their behinds! I am sick of watching talented
women in outfits that barely cover. They are trying
to keep from having too much hanging out by pulling
at the bottoms of these suits- women gymnasts are
alwasy pulling at the bottoms of their leotards.
Does the committee think no one will watch women
unless they are barely dressed? I don't believe that
it is necessary to have barely there outfits for
these women- swimmers need suits that let them
"fly" through the water. I understand the need for
leotards for gymnasts, but they should have to
cover without them pulling at them all the time.
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Saturday 09 August
By Bloor
the women in all events choose what they wear, not some committee.
Thursday 07 August
By Beth
The women's beach volleyball pictures are vulgar and unnecessary. These should be removed immediately