Buxom silver-screen siren Mae West famously proclaimed, "Too much of a good thing is wonderful." We agree with this adage when applied to sex, paid vacations, sex, hickory-smoked bacon and also sex. It's clear, however, that Mae lived before the age of brand extension, in which too much of a good thing is a painful marketing enema. For example, just play some of the video games inspired by TV shows. No, wait. Don't play them. They're mostly half-baked attempts to cash in on a successful property. Like, for example, the upcoming "Hell's Kitchen" video game.
Below we've collected a list of some other ill-conceived tube tie-ins.
Worst Video Games Based on TV Shows
Alias (Acclaim - PC, PS2, Xbox)
The concept: Super agent Sydney Bristow uses smarts, skills and sneaking on a series of dangerous missions in exotic locales. The reality: Super agent Sydney Bristow stealthily duck walks around in high heels through 2D circa 1994 rave clubs decorated with glassware full of glow stick residue.
Caption: "Damn! What's the url for bluefly.com again?"
American Idol (Codmasters PS2)
For starters, this is a great show. If you're 13. And a girl. Here, you press controller buttons in time to the beat to score points. There's no actual singing required and that's a blessing, as the 43 hit songs include "Livin' the Vida Loca," "Hit Me Baby One More Time" and many others you know and hate.
Caption: Entertainment sold separately
Charlie's Angels (Ubisoft GameCube)
Ok, this is actually a game based on a movie based on a TV show, which makes the product like sloppy thirds. There are, however, uses for this game; Besides as a beer coaster, make your suspect play as any of three polygonal Angels and punch, kick, block, jump until they confess.
Caption: That's one enormous marketing tool
CSI 3: Dimensions of Murder (UbiSoft - PS2, PC)
This is one in five different, uniquely piss poor adventure games published under the CSI title. Each has you scour the scene, collect fingerprints, DNA traces, footprints, etc. Take your puzzle pieces back to the lab and, with help stiff characters voiced by the show's cast, arrive at the bleeding obvious solution. Whodunnit? Whogivesashit?
Caption: "now go collect some semen stains."
Jackass the Game (Red Mile Entertainment - PS2, DS, PC) The genius of the TV show was that real jackasses voluntarily subjected themselves to excruciating pain, danger, and humiliation. You weren't supposed to try the stunts at home, and that made re-creating them more exciting. But hurting virtual humans? Isn't that why god created G.I. Joes and lighter fluid?
Pimp My Ride (Activision - PS2, Xbox360, Wii)
Object? Pimp all the unpimped rides in Pimp City, a realm weirdly devoid of prostitutes. But even the addition of 'hos couldn't give this lemon some juice.
Caption: X-Zibit A: a hip-hop artist in need of cash
The Sopranos (THQ - Xbox 360)
Apparently just the idea of this game was enough to heap scorn on show creator, David Chase. He confessed he thought videogames were lame and in short order release of this steaming heap of mob dung was cancelled.
Caption: "But Ton' you said once I was a level 26 mage I could wear the Battlecast Pants of Xircolli."
Survivor (Vivendi Universal - PC)
Outlast, outwit and outplay a game with graphics this crappy, gameplay this clunky and "story" this inane, and you should win something. A kick in the pants for having no life, perhaps.
Caption: "This game is shit." The tribe has spoken.
The Shield (Sammy Studios - Ps2)
The gritty, corrupt cop series on which this game is based was good stuff, so naturally this sucks. With bad voice acting, poor story, this 3rd person brawler/shooter goes beyond 'so bad it's good' to a place known as 'so bad it's really, really bad.'
Caption: Rapidly depress the Cram Perp's Head in Filthy Public Toilet Button for bonus
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Friday 08 August
By DeAxes
I actually like the CSI games. While its kinda annoying when you miss one piece of evidence that completes the obvious, and the writing could be more inventive, I find the series a fun diversion. It may not have the greatness of Sam and Max or Maniac Mansion, its a fun game.
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Saturday 09 August
By kayla
wow...way to make sure no one knows what the tv shows are. worst article ever
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Thursday 21 August
By HeadJam
Way to research the article jackass. The sopranos game WAS released. Pathetic.
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