A common misconception is that nerds can't get chicks. In actuality, many nerds could do alright with the ladies, but they are unmotivated, due to the fact that women rarely have a pet pterodactyl, like the one to the left.That's why nerds have resorted to drawing their own porn (and we're grateful for it). The images are often of impossibly curvaceous babes in fur-lined, armor-plated bikinis riding dragons. Never mind that it makes no sense. It's all about lust with just a hint of fantasy violence thrown in the mix for kicks.
Below are a few examples of what we're talking about, and as an added bonus, we've embedded clips from "Heavy Metal" and "Wizards" after the jump.
(Editors Note: We didn't include anime because we didn't want to put together a 150,000-image gallery).
Fantasy Babes -- Dragons, Unicorns and Bikinis
Slaying a dragon with a flaming sword while wearing a bikini and riding a unicorn/Pegasus should be an Olympic sport.
Lone Grey Squirrel
Final issue? It's hard to imagine that Dragon magazine could go under. What's next, Time?
Dragon Magazine
This creepy evil elf babe looks like she's either going to kill someone or masturbate.
Daily Revolver
Quick, duck! She can see you!
Apple Blossom Art
It is just us or does that woman seem to be excited by the prospect of getting licked by a devil tongue?
Excessive chrome is a telltale detail common in late 80's nerd porn.
It's amazing that more girls weren't tempted to play Dungeons and Dragons.
Dragon babes in space? Sure, why not.
altavista.org
Fur-lining cleavage keeps breasts just as warm as if they were covered up.
Fortune City
How many times have you been in this situation?
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Sunday 17 August
By Scott
The picture where he says "who knew murder could be so hot" is WRONG. The woman in the picture did NOT kill the man. He was killed by the person she is supposed to be looking at. That image is from one of the Dragonlance books. The woman in the picture is Goldmoon I believe and the dead guy is Sturm Brightblade. They were friends and in the same party. No love interest and certainly not enemies. Learn about the pics you put up for gods sake.
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Sunday 17 August
By Daniel
Dude, they're making fun of nerds in this article. Do you really think they care what the chicks name is? Commenting the chicks name just adds to the comedy.
Friday 29 August
By Scaramanga
Being a proud nerd, I have to point out the reply is wrong, the woman is Lauranthalasa, who pulled Kitiara's lance out of Sturm after his death at the Tower of the High Clerist.
Now I have to catalogue my pocket protectors.
Tuesday 16 June
By Tyger
And here I wanted to use my nerd powers to identify her.
Wednesday 09 September
By Hnk
Who is the song by for the fight flic
Sunday 17 August
By Spooky
I don't really mean to be nit-picky, but I'm a self-professed nerd and that's what people expect from us, so why break the trend this article has set by actually looking beyond common stereotypes. I mean...providing new information or casting a different light on something most people just assume to be true? Why would any writer want to do that?
As I already said, I'm a nerd; I play Dungeons and Dragons, I laugh (sometimes I even snort when doing so) at Star Wars jokes, and I have very involved discussions with my friends about whether or not Wolverine could take The Hulk. And, at the risk of sounding boastful, this entire article is painfully stereotypical and woefully inaccurate.
Now, by no means do I want to suggest that I'm some kind of Casanova, but honestly...does ANYONE still think that nerds are singularly incapable of finding romance? The happiest couples I know are those in which at least one person involved has some intensely geeky obsession or fandom that makes them giggle like a schoolchild or rant about at length to their either equally nerdy or lovingly tolerant signigicant other. Usually they're enjoying their rampant nerdiness together, and schtupping like rabbits in their down time.
Because, intelligence? Super-sexy.
It's also worth pointing out that, while fantasy illustrations like those shown in this article certainly tend to involve women wearing roughly as much as a lingerie model, the guys aren't wearing much more and they're frequently just as freakishly proportioned as the women.
It's fantasy, it's idealized...that's what it's supposed to do; as soon as you see a real person fighting a giant lizard or hurling magical balls of fire, we can talk about chainmail bikinis being impractical.
Reply
Thursday 21 August
By Deja Vu
Wow...I just did a "rant" like this one on the "Optimus Prime vs. Gas Prices" article...
Sunday 17 August
By julian
OK GIMME NAME THINGY OF SECOND VIDEO CLIP NAO!!!!
not the heavy metal one I own it already but seond thingymagig i wants.
thank you for helps.
Reply
Sunday 17 August
By julian
nevermind..internet found it for me.
Sunday 17 August
By Miko
I think that Mr. Childs was trying to be funny. And you try telling me that you haven't thought exactly the same thing about some of those images - 'wtf is she wearing that in snow for'? I know I have, and I'm not only a nerd, I'm a girl-obsessed nerd.
Maybe it's just me, but most of the people I know who like this kind of art are actually female. >> IRonically enough, I recognise several of those artists, and all of them are either married or are the ones to initiate their divorce!
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Sunday 17 August
By Eric
Ok the fact that you would take time to bash nerds for looking at girls in bikinis is sad because I'm sure most every straight man would and just because its fantasy makes it no different from other art forms.
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Sunday 17 August
By Allison
Aw come on guys. Its all in good humor. I thought this article was silly and the babes were smokin'. I'm a lady and could easily go off on a feminist rant but I know its just a joke. Lets sit back enjoy the hot pictures and not take our selves sooo seriously!
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Sunday 17 August
By Dee
FYI: A good deal of the art featured in this article is painted by a husband and wife team, Boris Vallejo and Julie Bell, not nerds drawing their own porn, as the writer says. Perhaps more research should have been done before spouting off stereotype after stereotype. Vallejo and Bell are pretty popular fantasy artists, and they seem to be doing quite well.
Another point: nerds=hot. I've known several guys who were nerds and some who weren't. I married one of the nerds.
As for practicality, well, what exactly about art is practical anyway? Its about beauty, not being practical. I have several books of fantasy art, including most of the featured pieces. Its not just about gawking at scantily clad women.
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Sunday 17 August
By BrokenBeloved
You know...
I'm rather sick of this assumption that "nerds" seem to be male. Not only that but really not the correct term... A nerd refers really to some one extremely focused on academic matters and who is socially inept. While, geeks like me (and yes, I'm a female, and YES I'm not a virgin)are simple people who obssess over certain things, genres, shows, movies, books, you get the idea. YeaH, I was an avid MMORPGer for about 4 years, I have yet to find another that intrests me. perhaps I'll go back to my old one. Yeah, I like to cosplay/role-play. Yes, I'm obssessed with LOTR and Star Wars, aninme as well (a particular one more than others). Yes, I do read fantasy and science fiction novels, infact I'm working on one myself. There are many things that make me one, but it does NOT keep me from having a love life... never has. I'm slightly nerdy too, always have been, again, no problemjs what-so-ever in that area. I've never had to draw my men or women, or resort to said pictures for lack of ability to go out and actually get some action. And most geeks I know are the same way, no problems with dating or having a love life. The article just reinforces strotypes, like a lot of the ones they seem to scribble down for lack of a better subject.
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Thursday 22 January
By Kat
*throws fist in the air* Geek pride!
Ditto to everything you said and good for you for saying. From reading what you had to say, I'm kinda tempted to ask you to marry me, but that would only be legal in Massacheuttes
Monday 18 August
By boogityshu
Another waste of internet space - showing once again - those who cannot 'do' or 'create' - Criticize.
What s the matter - no new pics of Britney or
useless garbage about Brooke Hogan ?
Reply
Thursday 21 August
By STANDING OVATION
(Applauding Wildly!!!!)
Sunday 24 August
By Deborah
How can I get copies of these prints for my geek boyfriend?
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Monday 13 October
By zeanar
cool
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Wednesday 29 October
By Pagan Goddess
I happen to be a big fan of Fantasy Art. I also enjoy dressing up for a Renaissance Festival. I have no problems with my love life! I am happily married at the moment. This article spreads a negative attitude. If you don't like the art, don't look at it, but don't talk down to me because I do like it.
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