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Love is a many splendored thing -- until it is molded into plastic and sold in the back of a porn shop. Then love appears as though its splendors might be uncomfortable, if not downright stomach-churning. Our rough-riding exposé of confusing and unnerving sex toys began at an adult convention, but our intrepid reporting didn't stop there. We decided to go deeper, which is coincidentally the same objective of many of the sex toys we inspected.
Below is a collection of a few that particularly stuck out, some more literally than others.
Most Disturbing Sex Toys
Comes in size small, medium, and ... Conehead?
Asylum.com
The Dong Bong, because Spring Break was getting just a little too classy.
Asylum.com
We'd rather not, but thanks for the offer.
Asylum.com
The Sexerciseball can help you lose weight, or break your neck in the heat of passion.
Asylum.com
Fantasy Glide. "All the fun without the hassle of a man!" Great. We've been replaced by a plastic dong glued to an aluminum pipe.
Asylum.com
We're guessing that Teddy Bear considers this a "bad touch."
Asylum.com
It's not going to seem so sexy when someone has to get the candy dust out of the cracks. Trust us on that one.
Asylum.com
Since people who are playing way too much Sudoku probably aren't having that much sex, there's Sudofuku. Form a puzzle with the numbers 1-9, then flip over tiles two at a time. When you reveal a sex position, act it out!
Eric Ita, Asylum.com
Plug OhMiBod into your iPod or MP3 player and it automatically vibrates to the rhythm and intensity of the music. Just one more reason to love Zeppelin.
Eric Ita, Asylum.com
Dong + Thighmaster + MacGuyver = The "Uni-Ram." You're either looking at Suzanne Somers nightmare, or biggest fantasy. We're not sure.
Asylum.com
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Wednesday 20 August
By Billius
This stuff is all pretty vanilla. If you're shocked by this you must have a sad sad sex life.
Reply
Saturday 23 August
By Jus Me
yes very nilla, they haven't seen nothing.
Reply
Saturday 23 August
By kandie
this is soooo weird!!!
i wonder how some work?
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Sunday 24 August
By crip454
what the hell is this i was expecting something that involved a couple of trees,a baseball bat and a 454 cid engin
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Sunday 24 August
By Lisa
Well, I do "those" parties for a living and do quite well at it. If there wasn't a demand and a market for it then there wouldn't be such a "disturbing" as they phrased it, variety. After all, variety is the spice of life. And we could all use a little spice. Everybody is different and has different tastes. To each their own, I say.
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Monday 25 August
By jassie
I know a little about this lifestyle too, but I understand the difference between "disturbing" & just sick (literally). New to the internet, I was amazed that anyone could think this stuff was ok & still feel normal, but it doesn't bother me much now. In fact, some of it I understand -- still even a little curious about it to be honest.
BUT, I have to say this, the "fistin'" stuff still continues to bother me.
Beyond all that, the collaborator of this piece did his homework, as well as a primo effort of attracting attention.
Afta all, that's what it's all about, eh? **thumbs up**
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Monday 25 August
By prowln
all women think there tight when my wife is mad at me she says im small i tell her that even a 747 jet is small when you fly it into the grand canyon . i remember one time she said my ring was hurting her vagina i said no it wasnt my ring it was my watch
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Tuesday 26 August
By Lili
I work in the adult toy industry, and I mean like *actually* work in it, not doing parties or something. I do research and copywriting, so I get to see a lot of toys before they hit the market.
The craziest thing I've seen lately? A mini water cooler filled with lubricant (http://pipedreamproducts.com/showdetail.php?Full_Number=PD9729-00). Funniest damn thing I've seen in awhile.
Reply
Tuesday 26 August
By Vera
...hope you're not thirsty after a sweaty session and forget it's lube!
Wednesday 07 January
By Rob
I am an inventor of sex toy that can be enjoyed by both male and females. it is very compact, remote controlled and rechargable etc. Imagine an automatic dildo (hands free) for her, then, pass to your hubby, remove the dildo and a attach the blow job device, again, hands free. It may take a while to get to market yet as Im still negotionating with some of the top manufactures. Would you like me to keep you posted?
Tuesday 26 August
By Vera
Anyone who has ANY of these "Disturbing Sex Toys" or just regular sex toys SHOULD have a case to keep everything in... keep your toys private from prying eyes or at the very least CLEAN & ready to use!
I'm Vera, the designer of the For Your Nymphomation locking storage case they showed in this story with the sign "Your Toy Collection Here". If you're a nice girl who likes her toys, a dominatrix "who's getting paid to use them" or a BDSM enthusiast who isn't at all as "vanilla" as the toys shown, then you are invited to get your very own case at a nice discount. Enter coupon code DISTURBING at checkout for a 20% discount at http://www.foryournymphomation.com/collection.htm (Min purchase $30, offer expires Sept. 30, 2008). Happy hiding!
~Vera, Owner, For Your Nymphomation
Reply
Thursday 04 September
By lilidesi
Omg! For Your Nymphomation...I love your cases!!! Lol, I can't believe I ran into you here. I've been using the heck out of my adult toybox ever since I got it. Ooh, a coupon...might just have to get another now hehe!