Sometimes you just need some time to yourself -- to hit a museum, get drunk in the afternoon or play Wii all night without the sound of your boss's voice ringing in your ears. But like a lot of Americans, you've only got 10 days of vacation a year, and they're already parceled out to family visits and your annual trip to Bonnaroo. Needless to say, those sick days start to look pretty tempting."Part of the problem of why we have to call in sick when we're not is that we don't really have the 'mental health day,'" says Lilit Marcus, Editor-in-Chief of SavetheAssistants.com, a Web site devoted to helping people navigate the unpleasant office environments where we spend a large portion of our lives.
"People work too much, our lives are stressful, and we need to take time off once in a while," says Marcus. "People burn out, and I think there's no shame in wanting to take a day off once in a while where you don't stare at your computer all day -- if you need to call in sick in order to do it, then so be it."
Click here for Marcus' foolproof tips for not raising suspicion when taking a sick day.
1. Always call your boss to tell them you're not coming in; never e-mail. "An e-mail just seems really fake," says Marcus. She notes that at some companies your boss might say, "Great: you're on e-mail. Just work from home today," which negates the purpose of taking your elective sick day. A telephone call comes off as a little more truthful and a little more urgent. When you call, try to time it so that you can leave a voicemail -- talking about the fact that you're sick opens it up to the possibility of follow-up questions and debate.
2. Don't be too specific. "Say 'I have a migrane' or 'I have food poisoning,' but don't go into details," says Marcus. "A lot of people get caught up in the details of the lie and feel like they have to specify what their symptoms are and such. But the more you talk, the faker it sounds. If you have the stomach flu, you're probably too busy barfing to answer a lot of questions about your condition."
3. Food poisoning is a good fake ailment. Marcus points out that "It's quick; it lasts a day; people get grossed out by it; and it's happened to them. So food poisoning is the way to go. Plus it's really non-specific. It doesn't say anything about a recurring condition that's going to happen again. It's a fluke. No one knows why it happened or what it was that they ate, so it's a really good mystery disease."
Christina Garcia -- CEO
Christina G.T. Garcia, CEO and Co-founder of iCHOOZ.tv
Christina G.T. Garcia, CEO and Co-founder of iCHOOZ.tv
Christina G.T. Garcia, CEO and Co-founder of iCHOOZ.tv
Christina G.T. Garcia, CEO and Co-founder of iCHOOZ.tv
Christina G.T. Garcia, CEO and Co-founder of iCHOOZ.tv
Christina G.T. Garcia, CEO and Co-founder of iCHOOZ.tv
Christina G.T. Garcia, CEO and Co-founder of iCHOOZ.tv
4. Don't post your exploits from your sick day on Facebook. Remember this story? Don't get caught in your lie by putting too much information where people can find it. "As people have things like more and more social networking sites, or you have a blog that people in your work know about, you need to be really really careful about indicting in any way what you were doing on your day off -- because you will get busted," says Marcus.
5. Don't come in with a sudden tan or a brand new wardrobe the next day. "Keep your head down and do your work," she says. "People are always a little skeptical, and you have to just pretend like you really were at home sleeping all day."
6. Pick a random Tuesday or Wednesday for your fake illness. At a lot of companies, there are mysterious sick waves on the day after a long weekend or on a really beautiful day in the summer. You can get away with that once in a while, but if you only come down with the flu on really beautiful Friday afternoons in the summer, everyone will be on to you. Taking off a day in the middle of the week will also make it less likely that you have 400 emails to sort through all at once when you come back from your elongated holiday.
If you're in calling sick this much, maybe you need to find a different career:
Weird CraigsList Jobs
Palin Look-a-like The first law of celebrity: Within minutes of initial national media exposure, someone, somewhere on the internet will be filming of a naked look-a-like of you.
Craigslist / Getty Images (2)
Happy Birthday BJ In journalistic parlance, this is known as 'burying the lead.'
Craigslist / Corbis
Costumed Carolers Our talent is table tennis and our costume is Spiderman. Where do we sign up?
Craigslist / Getty Images
Ring Girls Look: "Sexy," Bra size: C +. When choosing the public face of your "family oriented magazine," you really can't be too careful with the specifics.
Craigslist / WireImage
'Cop Bar' Video Extra A few types they request include: "biker chicks," "plus size model," "English butler," "lumberjack," and "eccentrics." Sounds like a Fellini-esque romp that may be eventually used for blackmail.
Craigslist / Corbis
Drunk Clown According to comedian Demetri Martin's flowchart of clowns: Circus clowns = annoying. Birthday clowns = sad. A clown that's just hanging around is creepy. But if any of them get hurt, it's funny. The birthday entertainment here is clearly going for sad and creepy. If he gets really loaded, we think he can be an all-in-one clown.
Craigslist / AP
Gorilla Chef Okay, we get that Koko has expensive food tastes and you'd need be creative as his cook, but what's with the language requirement? Is Koko ordering in Spanish?
Craigslist / AP
Ramen Comedian 'I need a video maker, actors, editors.' We also recommend getting a new idea.
Craigslist / Stockbyte
To Catch a Predator Host Look-a-like Finally! In these troubled financial times, a boost for the struggling Chris Hansen-impersonator industry.
Craigslist / NBC
Oompa-Loompas The dignified employment opportunities for the vertically-challenged are never ending.
Craigslist / WireImage



























Comments:
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Saturday 06 September
By Tassy
Great article! Another tip I have to add is to take two consecutive days off. Warning: It does take some balls. After one day, people are suspicious if you were really ill or not. After two days, people are genuinely concernedabout your well being. They find it hard to believe people have the balls to take two days off if not really really sick...
Reply
Wednesday 03 September
By idunno
haha, cool
http:/idonothaveasite.com
Reply
Tuesday 12 May
By Jack
As a supervisor if you are a employee prone to calling in I am going to ask you for a receipt from the plumber
Wednesday 03 September
By ouch
i really like calling in, saying you have a busted pipe, and that you have to wait for the plumber.
Reply
Tuesday 12 May
By Jenni
that would be okay for me if my boss and my landlord aren't the same person...lol
Wednesday 03 September
By smrtazz
Having diarrhea or the runs is a good excuse!!!
Reply
Wednesday 03 September
By Alan
Not sure if I agree with such a blatant lie - "I have food poisoning."
Why not simply ask the boss for a mental health day? Assuming you are a responsible employee, I think that mentioning how your mind has been swamped with work and that you need a day to collect your thoughts should suffice. If you're on top of your work and honest with your boss, then I don't see why the system should work against you in a way that justifies lying.
My thoughts.
Alan
http://the9to5alternative.typepad.com
Reply
Tuesday 12 May
By chris
cuz your boss is an asshole and only cares about his numbers and productivity
Tuesday 12 May
By kathleen
The reason why a mental health day would not suffice is because mental health is ignored in our society. We are a stressful people.
Wednesday 03 September
By anon
So, pretty much common sense then?
Reply
Wednesday 03 September
By JoeG
@Alan:
Unfortunately that is most often not the case. In many cases managers resent not being able to do the same thing and will turn you down on just that basis.
I have absolutely zero issue with calling in sick. I bust my ass for my company, I think it's pretty ludicrous that they expect me to do so for years on end with two weeks a year for vacation.
Reply
Wednesday 03 September
By coop
Talk about bad excuses. Once, I had just started a contract position and called my boss to tell him my automatic garage door opener broke and I couldn't get my car out of the garage. Worst thing is it was true. I had a friend come over to help me try to lift the door. We tried everything and it wasn't budging. I know, could have taken a cab or whatever but I had to get it fixed or I'd be taking a cab across town both ways all week. Luckily they came that day and fixed it but talk about having to explain. I should have just said I was sick.
Reply
Wednesday 03 September
By eric
the best day to call in sick is payday if you can afford to that is.
Reply
Sunday 17 May
By chestnut12590
I used to enjoy picking up my paycheck several days late now and then. It freaked out a lot of my co-workers who lived from paycheck to paycheck and were often broke by the time I even got my check. As for calling in sick, I called in drunk once, and I WAS!! It was 3AM and I knew that I'd never make it to work on time and wouldn't be in shape to be there even if I should make it! I called my supervisor at 3AM at home, before I passed out, and I got away with it, but he also knew that I wasn't a drinker and that the circumstances were abnormal!!
Monday 08 September
By xonet
ha i would call my manager nd be like yeah i have a hang over from wensday night special i dont think imma be comming in today ..
Reply
Tuesday 09 September
By Brian
This is a great article. I have printed it off for cross referencing when my employees call in sick. We employers who carry slackers need to keep up with the thieves who try to steal money (ie wages they don't deserve because they are liars and cheats)
Reply
Thursday 02 October
By icouldbeanyone
Brian: you SUCK Im glad I dont work for you, you TOOL
Wednesday 10 September
By Dydan
Re: Brian's comment - Why assume that someone who calls in sick is a slacker and a thief? Nearly all companies have some kind of sick day/personal time off policy. If an employee calls in sick he is not stealing, he is using time he has legitimately earned and has coming to him. Just because someone isnt suffering from a raging fever of 105 doesnt mean they arent entitled to take a day off. Some of us with high stress jobs (like nurses) NEED that day to recharge our batteries and regroup. If an employee is burnt out and over-stressed, they certainly arent going to be productive at work...better they stay home and get back on track than to just be a warm body in a chair.
Reply
Wednesday 08 October
By Mike
Brian is just trolling, folks. Ignore it. Real managers either don't feel that way, or would not write a comment blatantly proclaiming their intentions.
When you call in, just say "I'm calling in sick today". The next day, if someone asks how you are or if you are better, say that "you're better". Then, you haven't lied, if you are concerned about that.
If someone forces the point and asks what you had, migraine, diarrhea, or food poisoning or a GI virus are all good answers. And who cares if people are suspicious or even convinced that you weren't really sick? Forget them.
Reply
Tuesday 12 May
By Erin
One word...pinkeye. It's the perfect sick day excuse. It lasts 24 hours, and you're contagious. Gets you out of that day's work, and lets you come in a little late the day after. You can still spend the day with the Wii, and tell people about it the next day.
Reply