Sometimes you just need some time to yourself -- to hit a museum, get drunk in the afternoon or play Wii all night without the sound of your boss's voice ringing in your ears. But like a lot of Americans, you've only got 10 days of vacation a year, and they're already parceled out to family visits and your annual trip to Bonnaroo. Needless to say, those sick days start to look pretty tempting."Part of the problem of why we have to call in sick when we're not is that we don't really have the 'mental health day,'" says Lilit Marcus, Editor-in-Chief of SavetheAssistants.com, a Web site devoted to helping people navigate the unpleasant office environments where we spend a large portion of our lives.
"People work too much, our lives are stressful, and we need to take time off once in a while," says Marcus. "People burn out, and I think there's no shame in wanting to take a day off once in a while where you don't stare at your computer all day -- if you need to call in sick in order to do it, then so be it."
Click here for Marcus' foolproof tips for not raising suspicion when taking a sick day.
1. Always call your boss to tell them you're not coming in; never e-mail. "An e-mail just seems really fake," says Marcus. She notes that at some companies your boss might say, "Great: you're on e-mail. Just work from home today," which negates the purpose of taking your elective sick day. A telephone call comes off as a little more truthful and a little more urgent. When you call, try to time it so that you can leave a voicemail -- talking about the fact that you're sick opens it up to the possibility of follow-up questions and debate.
2. Don't be too specific. "Say 'I have a migrane' or 'I have food poisoning,' but don't go into details," says Marcus. "A lot of people get caught up in the details of the lie and feel like they have to specify what their symptoms are and such. But the more you talk, the faker it sounds. If you have the stomach flu, you're probably too busy barfing to answer a lot of questions about your condition."
3. Food poisoning is a good fake ailment. Marcus points out that "It's quick; it lasts a day; people get grossed out by it; and it's happened to them. So food poisoning is the way to go. Plus it's really non-specific. It doesn't say anything about a recurring condition that's going to happen again. It's a fluke. No one knows why it happened or what it was that they ate, so it's a really good mystery disease."
Christina Garcia -- CEO
Christina G.T. Garcia, CEO and Co-founder of iCHOOZ.tv
Christina G.T. Garcia, CEO and Co-founder of iCHOOZ.tv
Christina G.T. Garcia, CEO and Co-founder of iCHOOZ.tv
Christina G.T. Garcia, CEO and Co-founder of iCHOOZ.tv
Christina G.T. Garcia, CEO and Co-founder of iCHOOZ.tv
Christina G.T. Garcia, CEO and Co-founder of iCHOOZ.tv
Christina G.T. Garcia, CEO and Co-founder of iCHOOZ.tv
4. Don't post your exploits from your sick day on Facebook. Remember this story? Don't get caught in your lie by putting too much information where people can find it. "As people have things like more and more social networking sites, or you have a blog that people in your work know about, you need to be really really careful about indicting in any way what you were doing on your day off -- because you will get busted," says Marcus.
5. Don't come in with a sudden tan or a brand new wardrobe the next day. "Keep your head down and do your work," she says. "People are always a little skeptical, and you have to just pretend like you really were at home sleeping all day."
6. Pick a random Tuesday or Wednesday for your fake illness. At a lot of companies, there are mysterious sick waves on the day after a long weekend or on a really beautiful day in the summer. You can get away with that once in a while, but if you only come down with the flu on really beautiful Friday afternoons in the summer, everyone will be on to you. Taking off a day in the middle of the week will also make it less likely that you have 400 emails to sort through all at once when you come back from your elongated holiday.
If you're in calling sick this much, maybe you need to find a different career:
Weird CraigsList Jobs
Palin Look-a-like The first law of celebrity: Within minutes of initial national media exposure, someone, somewhere on the internet will be filming of a naked look-a-like of you.
Craigslist / Getty Images (2)
Happy Birthday BJ In journalistic parlance, this is known as 'burying the lead.'
Craigslist / Corbis
Costumed Carolers Our talent is table tennis and our costume is Spiderman. Where do we sign up?
Craigslist / Getty Images
Ring Girls Look: "Sexy," Bra size: C +. When choosing the public face of your "family oriented magazine," you really can't be too careful with the specifics.
Craigslist / WireImage
'Cop Bar' Video Extra A few types they request include: "biker chicks," "plus size model," "English butler," "lumberjack," and "eccentrics." Sounds like a Fellini-esque romp that may be eventually used for blackmail.
Craigslist / Corbis
Drunk Clown According to comedian Demetri Martin's flowchart of clowns: Circus clowns = annoying. Birthday clowns = sad. A clown that's just hanging around is creepy. But if any of them get hurt, it's funny. The birthday entertainment here is clearly going for sad and creepy. If he gets really loaded, we think he can be an all-in-one clown.
Craigslist / AP
Gorilla Chef Okay, we get that Koko has expensive food tastes and you'd need be creative as his cook, but what's with the language requirement? Is Koko ordering in Spanish?
Craigslist / AP
Ramen Comedian 'I need a video maker, actors, editors.' We also recommend getting a new idea.
Craigslist / Stockbyte
To Catch a Predator Host Look-a-like Finally! In these troubled financial times, a boost for the struggling Chris Hansen-impersonator industry.
Craigslist / NBC
Oompa-Loompas The dignified employment opportunities for the vertically-challenged are never ending.
Craigslist / WireImage


























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Comments:
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Tuesday 12 May
By Erin
One word...pinkeye. It's the perfect sick day excuse. It lasts 24 hours, and you're contagious. Gets you out of that day's work, and lets you come in a little late the day after. You can still spend the day with the Wii, and tell people about it the next day.
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Tuesday 12 May
By Tim
This is BS... Why I say that. I'm just getting in from the hospital after 2 weeks. First week of that time I was in the ICU Unit.
Reply
Tuesday 12 May
By Lv
Well, if they post it over the internet about ways not to get caught by your boss where EVERYONE including your boss can see it, then food poisoning won't be a very good excuse… And your boss will already be suspicious because they read this article.
Reply
Tuesday 12 May
By Shannon
in my case, the food poisoning did the trick, but instead of not giving much info, i overloaded on it, saying I was puking up black chunks was enough for them to say ok, and hang up! But you do have a point, i had to refrain from my fb, booo no fun! but i agree, im in school 4 nursing and that alone is enough to kill ya. haha good luck guys
Reply
Tuesday 12 May
By Stacy
I had a manager one time that wouldn't let you leave a voicemail to call in sick. She made you call over and over again until she got in and talked to her personally. She thought everyone was faking all the time and wanted to interogate.. I got around her...When I got sick (or needed a day off) I would call my mother and she would call my manager and tell her I was sick... It used to piss her off to no end but she couldn't do anything about it.. because (cough, cough) I was too sick to use the phone..
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Tuesday 12 May
By rachel
Wow i heard the same thing on the radio today.
Same exact words.
Same exact order lol.
Reply
Tuesday 12 May
By sweetiepie
I have only called in once since i started my job. Maybe because i have 2 weeks vacation & one day off every week. So the one time i did call in i felt so guilty like my supervisor was going to think i was faking it. I don't know why i was worried they would not think that since i NEVER call in. So it was the monday after christmas '08. I woke up the Saturday after christmas and had a terrible cough to the point i was coughing up phlegm (sp?) and it hurt & i had a runny nose & lots of sinus pressure. I was paranoid since i just had christmas off & the weekend & it would seem like i was trying to get a longer weekend. But i was really sick i slept all day. I then called in tuesday as well because i had a fever & i slept all day again. When i got in Wed. They all said they were soo worried about me & that i still looked not good. They all were concerned because i never call in so for me to call in it had to have been serious. I normally will work with a cold but i was exhausted and this cold hit me pretty hard. It took about a full week to recover. I don't know why i felt so guilty & afraid they would not believe me. All in all i do not think i could ever call in if i weren't sick, it would not be right & i would not want to use my sick time for no reason then when i really am sick have no sick days to fall back on & take it unpaid.
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Tuesday 12 May
By Scott
In this economy, shouldn't you be happy to just have a job.Some people would take over your job in a second.
Reply
Tuesday 12 May
By Kenobitree
What about severe heartburn/acid reflux that morning?
Reply