In a Pinch, Would You Munch on Human Flesh?

Most people live their entire lives with nary a thought of eating their friends and neighbors. But fate throws curve balls. Whether or not you're on an Uruguayan soccer team, we're all just one downed plane in the Andes from having to decide between eating people steak or becoming worm meat.

What would you do if you found yourself stranded with no food supply except the casualties of whatever disaster put you in said desperate situation? Would you be the first to break out the barbecue sauce, or would you keep putting it off, holding out for rescue until you risked becoming too delirious to take action?

This is a big question to chew on -- a matter of violating one of the greatest taboos vs. your acutely honed survival instinct. But there may be some other factors you've never considered, and we discuss below.

After the jump, we explain how eating people (which reportedly tastes like veal) is a form of going green.

Reasons a human hamburger could be tasty goodness.
* In 1931, New York Times reporter and occultist William Buehler Seabrook obtained a hunk of human meat from a hospital intern and cooked it up. He reported it was like "fully developed veal ... mild good meat."

* Cannibalism promotes a green lifestyle -- that dead guy over there is the ultimate in sustainable food. What, do you hate the environment or something? Jerk.

* Being forced to chow down on people would permanently cure most picky eaters of their aversion to things like sea urchin, snails and blood pudding.

Reasons to hold off as long as possible before tasting the flesh of your own kind.
* Cannibalism trumps all other achievements and inevitably becomes the most interesting thing about a person. Even if a cannibal went on to do something more unique, like cure cancer, the story would still read "and cancer was cured by Dr. So-and-so, noted cannibal."

* Since human flesh would be the first sustenance the situational cannibal had had in some time, it is likely he'd come away with an intense taste for it. Years later, when the one-time cannibal's stomach growled at night, he'd sneak over to the computer and start searching German S&M chat rooms in hopes of finding someone who would allow him to eat a chunk of their rump or thigh.

* Ironically, intra-species munching always carries a risk of catching a flesh-eating virus.