What Will Be the October Surprise?

There are only four days left in the month, and we have yet to be treated with the kind of October surprise that so many predicted for this election season.

We got a September surprise, all right -- and one that seemed to have changed the fundamental direction of the race. But a stock market crash is no fun, especially for anyone who owns stock.

With all the Internet wackiness this year concerning secret videotapes and hidden pregnancies, we anticipated something a little more escapist. Now, as the campaign enters its final week, we can only cross our fingers and speculate on what zaniness could still throw a monkey wrench into the best laid electoral plans.

Review our vicious rumors and wild innuendo after the jump.

Sarah Palin is John McCain's daughter.
The latest theory on why McCain plucked Palin from her arctic obscurity is that he was sexually smitten with the Alaska governor. Which is ridiculous, since everybody knows McCain only digs blondes. But by the end of this month, we will find out there is something more to the McCain-Palin relationship -- Palin is McCain's long lost daughter, the result of one of his many trysts during his time as a dashing naval officer. While some voters will be disgusted by McCain recklessly using the vice-presidency to make up for lost time, others will punch the ticket just to see the next turn the saga takes.

Obama is caught actually redistributing wealth.
McCain's efforts to paint his opponent as a "redistributor" finally gains traction when a grainy video of Obama spreading the wealth surfaces. In a scene that resembles a popular Burger King commercial, Obama is caught stuffing the pockets of innocent bystanders with the wealth he accumulated from book royalties and pork barrel earmarks.

Bill Clinton endorses John McCain.
It is no secret that Bill Clinton, deep down inside, is pulling for a McCain victory because it would keep the former President numero uno in the hearts of Democrats. Never one for impulse control, Clinton blurts out his McCain support on "Larry King Live" and adds that he would be endorsing the Arizona senator even if his wife had won the primary. The next day, a purple-faced Clinton gets back on TV and angrily denies any of this ever happened.

Joe Biden is on message and relevant.
Last week Biden tried to scare voters by emphatically "guaranteeing" his inexperienced running mate would be tested with an international crisis as soon as the Obama/Biden ticket is elected. Only Biden's unconventional campaign tactic was largely ignored when it was revealed his GOP counterpart -- a pretty lady from Alaska -- likes fancy clothes. As the election nears, Biden will quit being such a gaffe-prone weirdo, and the press will finally give the long-time senator his moment in the sun. Granted none of this would move the polls, but it would certainly be a surprise.