Terrell Owens Shows You How to Exercise Your Ego

Terrell Owens, wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys and former running mouth for the Philadelphia Eagles, is in great shape, so it makes sense that publishers would approach him to reveal his secrets to keeping fit. However, classifying his recently released fitness book as "self-help" is a stretch. The way T.O. uses it, it's more like "help-self."

"Finding Fitness" does attempt to show everyone from struggling beginners to more than average athletes how to get their game in shape, yet there are a few areas in T.O.'s opus where he can't help but stray into masturbatory musing regarding the larger-than-life adventures of the Herculean entity that is Terrell Owens.

We've taken excerpts and pictures from the book, and condensed them into a guide that can hopefully help you build up your own ego to Jack Lalane-ian strength.

Step 1: Put you first – T.O. emphasizes in the introduction that he hopes that people who buy "Finding Fitness" won't just achieve a dream body like his. "My hope is to get you to move past the superficial expectations set by others," T.O. writes. In other words, put your needs and emotions first and forget what everyone else thinks. Furthermore, if you're the type who thinks other people spend their time creating "superficial expectations of you," then you're on the right track to a six-pack ego.

Click here to see more of T.O.'s advice for pumping up your sense of self-satisfaction.


Step 2: Always keep your agent around – You don't just pay someone 10 percent of your annual salary plus expenses to find you steady work and make sure team owners are paying you market value. He's there to remind you how good you are at being you -- from the way you look to the way you make other people feel.

Also, an agent is there to massage your ego until it's as loose and limber as a Russian gymnast. Make him your best (or possibly only) friend, because even a real friend wouldn't purposely lose at "Madden 2008" just to feed your ravenous pride. (Pictured here: T.O. beats agent Drew Rosenhaus at "Madden" yet again.)

Step 3: Realize rejection is for rejects – Ever heard the phrase, "Don't take no for an answer"? T.O. follows the same motto. Moving on from rejection to complete fitness fulfillment isn't as difficult as you may think," T.O. writes. "It does, however take effort to develop the determination that you will never allow 'no' to spoil an entire lifetime of potential 'yesses.'" Take T.O.'s advice and think of "no" as just another "yes." Down the road, you'll be too full of yourself to notice what you're not getting anyway.

Step 4: Drive a cool car – Don't let someone judge you by your personality or your ability to be open and communicative and honest. Let them judge you by the car you drive with its 12-cylinder, light alloy, 4.9-liter engine that can go from 0 to 60 in 5.8 seconds and a rev that's so loud you can't hear other people commenting on the fact that you must be compensating for something else. (Pictured here: T.O. shows off his Ferrari in the context of an exercise book.)

Step 5: Write your own theme song – When Dallas bought T.O.'s contract after the Eagles dumped him, T.O. found himself in a rather difficult position. According to the book, he had to rebuild his Web site and wanted to give it a theme song, but rather than pay someone else royalties to show how talented they were, he took matters into his own recording studio.

"Rather than jump through all the legal hoops to use someone else's song, I headed to my studio and recorded my own song," T.O. explains. "'I'm Back' was released when I signed with Dallas. This was my third and, I hoped final team, and I needed something that would really speak to who I was and what it takes to be me – an All-Star athlete playing at an elite level." Writing your own song not only tells everyone who you are, but it also tells the world you have enough money to build a home studio.

Step 6: Your attire should reflect who you are – The clothes not only make the man, they tell the world about the man. So don't just wear expensive clothes that look like they cost a student loan to get. Wear clothes that literally tell the world how great you are and how magnificent you think, no, you know you are.

Shop at Hot Topic for superhero T-shirts, so you can compare your physical and heroic greatness to others in just one glance. Look for shirts that say things like "I'm smart and you know it," "Hail to the king, baby" or "Style, just one of my many talents" on the T-shirts racks at Kohl's. And always go to the gym in one of these torso billboards. You'll not only be building your ego, but your biceps as well. (Pictured here: T.O. wearing a Flash T-shirt to support one of his fellow superheroes.)