Is It Still OK to Root for Pirates?

Throughout history, pirates have fascinated the public, and the appeal of these sea-faring rascals has stretched well into the digital age with sites that generate your pirate name, sell your next Blackbeard Halloween costume and even urge you to participate in International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

From the safety of your computer, pirates are nothing but a jolly good time. They symbolize carefree rebellion in ridiculously puffy shirts, yet are an abstract enough concept that you don't have think about how pirates are basically just money-oriented terrorists.

Unfortunately, the era of guilt-free pirate worship is coming to an abrupt end. Lately, headlines have been screaming out sensational tales of real-life pirates taking over ships filled with 100 million dollars worth of oil, and doing battle with commissioned navies out on the high seas.

Now that pirates are less ironic curios from days of yore, and more deadly international nuisances, is it still OK to cheer for the guys who made the skull-and-crossbones cool? After the jump, we discuss the reasons for and against continued pirate boosterism.

Why It's OK

Pirates prevent global warming.
There happens to be a statistically significant inverse relationship between the number of pirates in the world and global temperature. (There's a graph and everything.) Meaning only a person who loves global warming would want to callously rid the earth of planet-cooling pirates.

Pirates are more fun than General Motors.
A big problem with pirates is that ultimately the cost of their plundering will be passed on to you. Kind of like how you will eventually pay when the government bails out banks and auto makers. Only it's not really the same, because instead having to watch a lot of rich executives go to Congress and beg for cash, you get to think about pirates swinging from the lanyards and saying "aarrr."

Why It's Blaggard

Like Palin can spot a real American, you can spot a real pirate.
In all the photos of these nouveau- pirates, not a single peg leg or an eye patch can be seen. Let alone a hook hand. Also, instead of a plank, most modern pirate ships have elaborate global positioning systems.

Moral hazard and ninjas.
Since pirates can only wreck their swashbuckling brand of havoc on the high seas, land lovers don't put themselves in harm's way by rooting for the buccaneer. But what if our cheerleading encourages other troublemakers of days past -- say the ninja -- to reemerge. There is nowhere on God's earth that one can hide from the silent fury of a ninja.