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Whatever you do, stay away from Plaxico Burress. The embattled Giants wide receiver draws bullets, like Viking's tight end Visanthe Shiancoe's manhood draws the attention of Fox cameramen. Don't believe us? Check out the video below. (via Atom)



In a worst case scenario, Burress' gun play could have qualified as a crazy way to die ...

Crazy Ways To Die (That Would Suck)

    Sure, wrestling might be fake, but you know what isn't? The results of plummeting 70 feet in front of a stadium full of fans. Owen Hart's theatrical trick went awry due to mechanical error in 1999. Sadly, he didn't live long enough to give the maneuver a badass name.

    Steve Meyers, AP

    We've all had poor service at a bar before, but it's rare that we murder waitstaff we don't agree with. Tough luck for hapless bartender Mummod Foli. He angered a few Ruskie mobsters, who then assassinated him by forcing him to guzzle 27 liters of Coca Cola. Life Tastes Good, indeed.

    AP

    An 1814 mishap in London caused a beer tankard to explode, sending a torrent of ale down city streets and resulting in nine fatalities. Contrary to what your local fraternity brother might tell you, being inundated by booze can result in the sort of hangover you don't wake up from.

    David Vais, AP

    Monkeys sure are cute, except for the satanic flying variety from Oz or the vicious ones lurking in Greece around the beginning of the 20th century. One of these toothy bastards chomped on Alexander I in 1920. Alex ended up with blood poisoning, proving that even royalty is not safe from an irate primate.

    What is it about religious fundamentalism and autoerotic asphyxiation? Reverend Gary Aldridge (not pictured) is one of several holy men with the odd habit; he accidentally snuffed himself while wearing a full diving suit and "rubberized underwear." Even Michael Hutchence wasn't that creative.

    Jupiter Images

    The only thing Jack Daniel might have in common with Bob Marley is that their toes did them in. While the reggae pioneer was felled by cancer that started in his piggie, the whiskey king's story is a bit more embarrassing: He succumbed to a blood infection after wounding himself kicking a safe.

    Jupiter Images

    Thanks to the Internet, even the mentally deranged can find, meet and eat each other. Such was the case for Armin Meiwes, a cannibal who found a willing dish in Bernd-Jurgen Brandes. The two chowed down on the victim's castrated male organ before the victim died, making John Wayne Bobbit look like a total wuss.

    Everett Collection

    Despite being a brilliant philosopher, Francis Bacon's final act reeked of idiocy: He froze to death while trying to determine what effects snow might have on keeping chicken fresh. Didn't he know the best way to treat a poultry carcass is to insert a cold can of Coor's Light?

    Everett Collection

    We always suspected that aerobic exercise was for suckers. Jim Fixx proved us right in 1984 -- the health nut (and author of "The Complete Book of Running") expired of a massive heart attack during a jog. Thanks for the irony, Mr. Fixx; you'll find us lounging on the couch, where it's safe.

    AP

    Nelson Rockefeller's legacy is a cautionary one: Don't think you can keep up in the bedroom with someone 44 years your junior. While the facts are vague, Rockefeller is thought to have died while "entertaining" 26-year-old Mary Shackleton. Honestly though, who doesn't want to go that way?

    AP (2)