Jessica Alba thinks Bill O'Reilly is an "a-hole." We learned this after Alba steadfastly refused a Fox News reporter's request that she give a shout-out to the cable news king, and offered only that invective as her reasoning.

On his show, O'Reilly smugly dismissed the 'Sin City' actress's attack, and called her misguided. While celebrity feuds and the publicity they generate are great for the celebrities involved, sometimes they are difficult for us non-celebrities who are forced to take sides. This is especially true in a case like this, which matches up two stars who hail from completely different parts of the glitterati universe.

After the jump we find common ground between Alba and O'Reilly, for the purpose of comparison.

Both have hair
While Alba has worn her hair in many styles and colors over the years, lately she has been sporting black hipster bangs. It is far from her best look -- bangs don't quite work with her delicate features -- but the hair itself is still luminous. The kind of hair you would hide in, if you were a child trapped in a rock ballad sung by Axl Rose.

O'Reilly doesn't have a whole lot of hair, which isn't atypical for a man approaching 60. His sparse, barely coiffed tresses go a long way toward allowing him to project an "everyman" persona in the face of his 10 million plus salary and A-list status. Earlier in his career, O'Reilly wore a fairly aggressive comb-over. (More on this later.)

Both married to people with cool names
Alba is married to Cash Warren, who has a terrific name for a gunfighter or a race car driver. Only Alba's Cash Warren doesn't seem to do much of anything besides pick up suspicious "assistant" and "producer" credits on movies and impregnate Jessica Alba.

According to various sources on the Internet (and you know if it's on the Internet, it must be true, right?), O'Reilly's wife Maureen McPhilmy dated Flavor Flav and Ted Kennedy before marrying the cable news king. Some say this helps explain O'Reilly's animosity towards liberals and hip-hop artists.

Both stick it to the man who stuck it to them first
Simply because she had the biggest breasts in her sixth-grade class, Alba was labeled the school slut by her "elementary school principal and self-righteous PTA moms." She got her revenge by growing up to have only medium-sized breasts and to be really famous.

Pinheads, liberals and a sinister cabal of effete, God-hating cultural elitists are always trying to do O'Reilly in. He gets his revenge by talking bad about them on his ultra-popular cable news show.

Both act
Jessica Alba is a dreadful, dreadful actor. Please watch any of the films in her catalog if you believe otherwise.

Whether O'Reilly's entire shtick is an act is debatable, but there is no doubt the man has thespian chops. Check out the video below, and marvel at how once the on-air light turns on, a younger O'Reilly is able to act like he didn't just have a scary, NSFW meltdown.