If you have any plans to threaten world destruction while dangling James Bond over a shark pit, then you're going to need your own private island. Even if your role models are less villainous -- billionaire Richard Branson, for instance, or privacy-seeking actor Johnny Depp -- an island should still be on your wish list.

Why? Because owning an island is the next best thing to having your own country. Except for pirates, the occasional naval barrage and the threat of infiltration from non-native species, you can pretty much do whatever you want. Plus you can hire girls to dance around in grass skirts, and tell people you're "upholding the local culture."

As with so many of the frills of the super-rich, island ownership can be even more expensive and time-consuming than you could imagine.

We spoke with Jim Reed, managing director of Coldwell Banker Island Affiliates, and Chris Smith, sales manager for the British Virgin Islands, also with Coldwell Banker, to find out exactly what we're going to have to do to get our hands on an Asylum-themed pleasure island shaped like a skull and surrounded by waters teeming with narwhals.

After the jump, check out the four steps to buying and customizing your own private island and a gallery of sweet isles for sale.


Step One: Purchase

Reed's initial advice? Be really, really, really rich.

Virgin CEO Branson may have bought Necker Island in the British Virgin Islands for roughly $300,000 back in 1979, but you'll need a lot more for a similar property now. Prices start at $10 million, according to Smith, but will probably be much higher. The two private islands currently up for sale in the BVI -- Ginger Island and Great Dog Island -- will set you back three times that each. The largest private island in the Caribbean, Ronde Island, was offered at $100 million last year.

Worse still, the legal hurdles to owning an island are tight. In the BVI, you will need what's called an "alien landholder's permit," which takes six to nine months just to process, says Reed. In the Bahamas, you'll have to pay $500 for "permanent residency status."

As for where you're going to find this magical island, the Caribbean has been popular with American buyers due to its proximity to the East Coast. Recently, though, islands near Central American countries such as Panama or Costa Rica have been drawing buyers south. And if you don't mind the cold, there are islands in Canada going for less than $250K -- including one owned by Celine Dion. Swish.

How to Buy Your Own Private Island

    Great Dog Island, Bahamas

    Coldwell Banker Lightbourn Realty, Nassau, Bahamas

    Great Dog Island, Bahamas

    Coldwell Banker Lightbourn Realty, Nassau, Bahamas

    Great Dog Island, Bahamas

    Coldwell Banker Lightbourn Realty, Nassau, Bahamas

    Charles Island, Bahamas

    Coldwell Banker Lightbourn Realty, Nassau, Bahamas

    Charles Island, Bahamas

    Coldwell Banker Lightbourn Realty, Nassau, Bahamas

    Ginger Island, Bahamas

    Coldwell Banker BVI / Google Earth

    Ginger Island, Bahamas

    Coldwell Banker BVI

    Eleuthera Island, Bahamas

    Coldwell Banker Lightbourn Realty, Nassau, Bahamas

    White Cay, Bahamas

    Coldwell Banker Lightbourn Realty, Nassau, Bahamas

    Great Sale Cay

    Coldwell Banker Lightbourn Realty, Nassau, Bahamas

Step Two: Customization & Upgrades

You may have plans for a private airstrip. You may want to dredge the harbor so you can park your yacht, or build an underground death maze for your enemies. But environmental and bureaucratic barriers may prevent you from doing any of these things.

Why? Well many islands come with environmental conditions attached. Buyers interested in the aforementioned Ginger Island, for example, will have to dedicate half of the 200 acres to a national park, and the other half to a fully functioning resort that will boost the local economy.

Step Three: Staffing

Caretakers? Cooks? Maids? Pool boys? Pilots? Ship captains? These things don't come cheap, especially in places like BVI where the standard of living is relatively high. Plus, your staff needs a place to stay either on or off-island, so you are either paying for their transport back and forth, or they live with you 24-7.

According to Smith, Necker Island is sustained with a staff of 25-30 people -- but it does function as a full-time resort.

Step Four: Maintenance

The Caribbean is hit by hurricanes every year. Even Aruba, known for being relatively rain-free, is less reliable than many people think. While most of the hurricanes are not particularly devastating, they can do enough damage to make you rethink this whole island living thing.

Conclusion

Before you go hurling your last $30 mil at an island, consider the type of people that live on them. David Copperfield, Eddie Murphy, Nic Cage ... Even putting aside the costs and hassle, do you really want to join that club? You might be happier with a run of the mill, off-the-rack castle.

Reporting by Brett Widness at AOL Real Estate.