The practical logistics of molesting a raccoon are completely lost on us. One drunk Russian man, however, gave it the old college try, and the result was exactly what you might imagine -- the raccoon bit off the man's penis.

Alexander Kirilov, 44, said he was out carousing with friends when he decided to try and get busy with the furry (but feisty) animal. "When I saw the raccoon I thought I'd have some fun," he said to Moscow surgeons, who are attempting to put his mangled member back together.

"He's been told they can get things working again but they can't sew back on what the raccoon bit off," explained friend. "That's gone forever so there isn't going to be much for them to work with."

Question Raised: Exactly how much vodka does it take to get turned on by Rocky Raccoon?