Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to exercise, improve my diet, stop drinking and smoking. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music and how to invest in the stock market. Now I want a divorce, because she just isn't good enough for me.

"My wife never took off her weight after our daughter was born. And never once over the next 10 years did I let on that she was no longer physically attractive to me. Because I loved this woman, because she sacrificed her once-beautiful body to have our daughter, I felt that I would have been a terrible person to ever be so shallow. I was sure that my acceptance was what she needed more than anything, and so every night, when we went to bed I became an actor worthy of an Academy Award.

"How do I know that she never caught on to my revulsion? She used to joke about how she'd like to lose the weight, but that she thought I was actually more attracted to the heavier her (85 lbs. heavier). Then she began reading self-help books, working out and losing weight. Her eyes were opened, she explained to me as she handed me our divorce papers, that I was an 'enabler' who unconsciously needed her to be fat so that I could feel adequate.

"Now she's as hot as she was in high school, and I'm alone getting reports back from our common acquaintances about how single life seems to agree with her."

Bennie -- Chicago


Still can't get enough sordid tales of divorce horror? Check out our gallery of some of the more nasty divorces in recent times.

Nasty Divorces

    Greg Norman and Laura Andrassy: The golf legend split with his wife of 26 years following an illicit affair with tennis great Chris Evert. In June, Norman and Evert were married in the Bahamas.

    David Cannon, Getty Images

    John and Sherrie Daly: The two-time major champion and his wife filed for divorce in Nov. 2006, four months after she finished serving a federal sentence involving finances from an alleged drug and gambling ring. The divorce has not yet been processed, even after dueling court claims in 2007 of drunken rampage, knife wielding and sexual assault.

    Lenny Ignelzi, AP

    Alex Rodriguez and Cynthia Rodriguez: Less than three months after Cynthia Rodriguez first filed for divorce from the Yankees star, a settlement was reached to end the couple's five-year marriage. Allegations of repeated infidelity were at the root of Cynthia's divorce filing.

    Rob Loud, Getty Images

    Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook: They reached an out-of-court settlement, but only after several days of trial testimony exposed lurid details of architect Cook's affair with a teenage assistant and his predilection for Internet porn. The 54-year-old former supermodel agreed to pay Cook $2.1 million. She gets to keep 18 properties in the Hamptons and custody of the kids.

    Dimitrios Kambouris, WireImage.com

    James McGreevey and and Dina Matos: She was at her husband's side when he announced in 2004 that he was gay and resigned as New Jersey governor over an affair with a man. In a memoir, she said he hid his homosexuality; he denied it. He said they had trysts with a man; she denied that. A judge ruled in August he has to pay child support -- but no alimony.

    Noah Addis, Pool / AP

    Bill Murray and Jennifer Butler: When she filed for divorce in May, Butler alleged the funnyman actor abused her and was addicted to marijuana and alcohol. She also alleged he would often leave home without telling her, traveling overseas to engage in "public and private altercations and sexual liaisons." Murray refused to comment on the allegations. The divorce was quickly finalized.

    Robyn Beck, AFP / Getty Images

    Nevada Gov. Jim Gibbons and Dawn Gibbons: When Gibbons filed for divorce from his wife of 22 years in May, he also sought a court order to evict Nevada's first lady from the governor's mansion in Carson City, Nev. In court papers, Dawn Gibbons accused her husband of abandoning their marriage because of his "infatuation and involvement" with the wife of a unnamed doctor. In June, the couple announced they were suspending divorce proceedings. Stay tuned.

    Cathleen Allison, Nevada Appeal / AP

    Hulk Hogan and Linda Bollea: Bollea filed for divorce from Hogan in November after 23 years of marriage. In June, she filed a court motion asking a Florida judge to throw the wrestling star in jail -- for failing to pay her $4.2 million to get an apartment. Bollea is dating a teenager 29 years her junior.

    Vince Bucci, Getty Images

    Roman and Irina Abramovich: After he allegedly was caught with a woman half his age, the Chelsea soccer team owner -- who is worth around $22 billion -- reportedly paid his ex-wife $2 billion in a divorce settlement in 2007.

    STR, AFP / Getty Images

    Jason and Joumana Kidd: The NBA point guard's divorce went public in early 2007 after his wife blasted the star in divorce filings, accusing him of sleeping with strippers and reporters.

    Evan Agostini, Getty Images