"Ah, yes, 'divorce' ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." -- Robin WilliamsImagine a world where you have a wife and kids and a house. Then you come home one day and find out that you will no longer be married, you will no longer be a full-time father, you have to move from your home, and you have to hire a lawyer for you and the person who wants to leave the partnership.
But hold on, this isn't some futuristic Mad Max dream world we're talking about here. The horror story about divorce is complete loss of control over what matters in your life. Right now, in fact, it is happening all around us. How's that for a nightmare?
The gallows humor that surrounds divorce is likely to have a little more resonance to those who've been through it, but it can ring true even for the inexperienced. Following are a few divorce jokes and a few true tales of divorce horror.
Got a bad break up or divorce story that can beat the ones to follow? Don't be shy, consider us a much cheaper version of a relationship counselor -- share your tale in the comments. Stories contributed by readers of DadsDivorce.com
Nasty Divorces
Greg Norman and Laura Andrassy: The golf legend split with his wife of 26 years following an illicit affair with tennis great Chris Evert. In June, Norman and Evert were married in the Bahamas.
David Cannon, Getty Images
John and Sherrie Daly: The two-time major champion and his wife filed for divorce in Nov. 2006, four months after she finished serving a federal sentence involving finances from an alleged drug and gambling ring. The divorce has not yet been processed, even after dueling court claims in 2007 of drunken rampage, knife wielding and sexual assault.
Lenny Ignelzi, AP
Alex Rodriguez and Cynthia Rodriguez: Less than three months after Cynthia Rodriguez first filed for divorce from the Yankees star, a settlement was reached to end the couple's five-year marriage. Allegations of repeated infidelity were at the root of Cynthia's divorce filing.
Rob Loud, Getty Images
Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook: They reached an out-of-court settlement, but only after several days of trial testimony exposed lurid details of architect Cook's affair with a teenage assistant and his predilection for Internet porn. The 54-year-old former supermodel agreed to pay Cook $2.1 million. She gets to keep 18 properties in the Hamptons and custody of the kids.
Dimitrios Kambouris, WireImage.com
James McGreevey and and Dina Matos: She was at her husband's side when he announced in 2004 that he was gay and resigned as New Jersey governor over an affair with a man. In a memoir, she said he hid his homosexuality; he denied it. He said they had trysts with a man; she denied that. A judge ruled in August he has to pay child support -- but no alimony.
Noah Addis, Pool / AP
Bill Murray and Jennifer Butler: When she filed for divorce in May, Butler alleged the funnyman actor abused her and was addicted to marijuana and alcohol. She also alleged he would often leave home without telling her, traveling overseas to engage in "public and private altercations and sexual liaisons." Murray refused to comment on the allegations. The divorce was quickly finalized.
Robyn Beck, AFP / Getty Images
Nevada Gov. Jim Gibbons and Dawn Gibbons: When Gibbons filed for divorce from his wife of 22 years in May, he also sought a court order to evict Nevada's first lady from the governor's mansion in Carson City, Nev. In court papers, Dawn Gibbons accused her husband of abandoning their marriage because of his "infatuation and involvement" with the wife of a unnamed doctor. In June, the couple announced they were suspending divorce proceedings. Stay tuned.
Cathleen Allison, Nevada Appeal / AP
Hulk Hogan and Linda Bollea: Bollea filed for divorce from Hogan in November after 23 years of marriage. In June, she filed a court motion asking a Florida judge to throw the wrestling star in jail -- for failing to pay her $4.2 million to get an apartment. Bollea is dating a teenager 29 years her junior.
Vince Bucci, Getty Images
Roman and Irina Abramovich: After he allegedly was caught with a woman half his age, the Chelsea soccer team owner -- who is worth around $22 billion -- reportedly paid his ex-wife $2 billion in a divorce settlement in 2007.
STR, AFP / Getty Images
Jason and Joumana Kidd: The NBA point guard's divorce went public in early 2007 after his wife blasted the star in divorce filings, accusing him of sleeping with strippers and reporters.
Evan Agostini, Getty Images
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Monday 16 February
By ding
Divorce laws need to change. Child support for the kids yes. For the ex-wife, No! No children involved. Natha for either spouse. You get what you brought into the relationship. That legless bitch did not deserve a dime. Child support yes. A home for the kid yes. Thats it.
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Friday 20 February
By Doup
When my ex left me, it was in the morning and she was packing her bag.
I asked "Hey - where are you going"
"I'm leaving"
"I understand that part, where are you going"
"I'm leaving you"
Turns out she was leaving me for one of our groomsmen from our wedding. Now I should have seen that one coming since she had left her ex (who was a very good friend of mine) for me (tho I assumed that it was because he'd left state for months without saying anything)
Lesson learned - once a cheater, always a cheater
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Thursday 26 February
By ed baggett
Sounds familiar.....My "ex" wound up with her attorney....she left him for the richest man on
Long Island, then moved back to South Carolina
to live off his money.
Thursday 26 February
By Rick Ortiz
There is a woman with ambition! That's not a wife, it's a daytrader.