They say that manners are the glue that holds society -- not to mention many relationships -- together. Problem is, modern society has run amok with new ways to communicate and shifting roles for men and women. This leaves us many opportunities to mess up royally. So how to behave these days? Following are 20 potentially awkward social situations and how to deal. Now you have no excuse to be a cad.
Following are 20 potentially awkward social situations and how to deal, according to our hand-picked etiquette experts (meaning, far more reliable than your football buddies): Peter Post, author of Essential Manners for Men; Melissa Kirsch, author of The Girl's Guide to Absolutely Everything; and Naomi Paulson, founder of The Etiquette School. Now you have no excuse to be a cad.
Mans Guide to Modern-Day Etiquette
1. Should a man open the car door for a woman when she enters/exits a car/cab?
"This is a nice touch, chivalrous but not necessary," says Kirsch. Post again advises that you ask first, so she has a chance to open the door for herself if she so chooses. No need to do so if you're just pulling over to let her out curbside, when exiting your own door would put you in the middle of traffic.
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2. Can you ask out a woman over the phone/email/text/IM?
"Certainly over the phone, yes," says Post. Email, text or IM might work, if the two of you have a history of communicating via such medium and feel comfortable doing so. A good rule of thumb, says Kirsch, is that "no conversation of emotional import should ever be carried out over any medium that doesn't permit the interlocutors to detect tone of voice." Translation: Phone is best.
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3. Can you cancel dates over phone/email/text/IM?
As with asking for a date, canceling is most respectfully done by phone, but "if you're going into a meeting or something like that, it's understandable that you might not be able to make a call," says Post. What's more important than how you say it is what you say. "You should immediately set another date in order to assure your good intentions," advises Paulson. Adds Post, "If you do cancel without speaking, tell her in your message when you will be able to next call, and then when you do, convey how upset you were for having to cancel."
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4. Is it ever appropriate to break up with someone over the phone/email/text/IM?
"If you are conducting a long-distance affair, then the telephone is acceptable," says Kirsch. Otherwise, the answer is a firm "Absolutely not." Man up and do the deed face to face, lest you be rightly deemed, as Paulson puts it, "a spineless miscreant."
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5. What are the rules for Blackberry/cell phone usage when out on a date?
"Unless you are a doctor or a drug dealer, turn it off and keep it in your pocket," says Kirsch. If you do have to keep it on - for being on-call, or so the babysitter can reach you if needed - then tell your date up front that it's in your pocket, set to vibrate, and that you'll only take a call (stepping outside to do so) for those specific reasons. Though it's second nature to many to tell time via their phones, the distraction it causes, repeatedly diverting your attention away from your date, is unacceptable, says Kirsch. The solution: Wear a watch.
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6. When should a man pull out/push in a woman's chair?
When they arrive at a table, for sure, and if given the opportunity, when you both get up to leave. Don't feel that you have to make this a grand gesture, says Post, "It can be almost a light touching of the chair. It's the thought that's important here."
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7. Does it matter whether or not a man sits facing/away from the wall on a date in a restaurant?
"Think of the woman as the guest of honor," says Post, "and the guest of honor always gets the best seat, which is with her back to the wall, looking out over the room." When applicable, the man should also offer her the seat with less "aisle traffic" passing from behind. If it's a table positioned in the middle of the room, then let her choose where she wants to sit, says Kirsch.
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8. Should a man stand when a woman leaves and returns to a table?
In business situations, no; in social settings, it depends. Though considered an outdated flourish, it is still one that "a woman might like, because it feels like you're putting her up on a pedestal a bit," says Post. Save it for fancy restaurants and more formal dinner parties, though, and if standing up completely feels awkward, it's perfectly acceptable to do a little halfway-out-of-your-chair move. An important footnote: When there's numerous men and woman at a table, only those one or two men sitting next to the woman should stand. Warns Post, "All the men standing up, it becomes more of a circus."
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9. Should a man give his date cabfare at the end of a date?
No, but he should drive her himself, or share a cab that drops her off at her place first. "As the man, it is your responsibility to make sure the night ends with your date getting home safely," says Post. The fact that this gentlemanly gesture just so happens to put you at her front door, where a well-mannered man is more likely to score a goodnight kiss or an invite upstairs, is pure happenstance.
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10. Is there any etiquette to be aware of when using/waiting for a unisex bathroom?
"Not that I can think of," says Kirsch. "Public restrooms are disgusting free-for-alls, and women are just as bad as men about perpetuating this." Just use common sense, says Post. "Don't stand right in front of the door while you're waiting so that the person has to inch her way around you to get out of the bathroom."
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For further edification, check out Things Guys Shouldn't Do in Public -- a guide to our public behavior by the ladies at Lemondrop.
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You can make a million dollars, call your mother every day, pick up other people's litter and spend your Christmas vacation clanging a bell for the Salvation Army. Go ahead and make one slip-up in the manners department, however, and your date will instantly label you a cretin at best, a cad at worst.








Comments:
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Wednesday 18 February
By mike
thought for the day: "it is better to keep ones mouth shut and appear a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
Reply
Monday 23 February
By d.a.
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WELL SAID!
Thursday 19 February
By Dave
Another thought. "It is better to as for forgiveness than to as for permission"
Reply
Friday 20 February
By Kat
This would depend on how angry you want the woman you are with to be with you. At times it is better to ask for permission.
Friday 20 February
By Shanttlebutter
um wow i guess that was helpfuk
Reply
Friday 20 February
By Diane
Yes,Don't know what is good ediqutte for IM,
While it is a way of commuicating I still think that breaking up should be done in person... and on a phone is still hard cause if you don't let the other person say what they feel or they don't have the oppertunity to... feelings get really hurt...But kids seam to use the IM to breake up and the email on the phone... It is hard and a real cold way of doing it so dating now is so linked to computers , cell phones and email or texting ... now just more ways to make someone feel really bad...
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Friday 20 February
By fc
god, it must be mindblowing to be a straight man. i would no sooner do this BS for women than I would expect them to do it for me. who on earth do women think they are? empresses? straight men, you need to rise up and fight back, forcefully, against this femalegenerated drivel about the "etiquette" between the sexes, which seems to consist ENTIRELY of sacrifices of every sort on the part of men and ZERO sacrifice of ANY sort on the part of women. yet, women, preposterously, are the great big victims in life. uh huh? what a monstrous scam.
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Friday 20 February
By Katherine
Women should just accept if a man opens the door or does any of the nicties that men used to do on a regular basis. It is because of all the liberal junk that women have kept up with that has made it acceptable for men to not open doors and be gentlemen. I would much rather be a little less liberal and have a gentleman. Also, this is coming from a woman who has served in the millitary, and been a car salesperson, so I am liberal, but I enjoy the gentleman in the man.
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Friday 20 February
By Laurie
I agree, there are not enough gentlemen out there any more. I love being treated like a lady. Having the door open for me, letting me order first. etc. I wish there were more men like that out there. To those of you that are still Gentlemen. God Bless You!
Friday 20 February
By Ali
I've had men that open doors vs. men that open their own, and personally the ones that open a door for me or show respect in the same manner is much more appealing. As usual AOL has it wrong, sometimes I think they just make information up just for sensationilism. Ten years down the road with the guy that doesn't treat her well will leave her wondering where she went wrong. It starts there.
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Friday 20 February
By Greg
Kiss my butt! I'll open a door and be polite no matter what the extreme feminists have to say. It's just good manners!
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Friday 20 February
By jennifer
Thank you! It certainly doesn't make a woman less of a person by accepting niceties from a man. Is it now not ok to hold the door for whomever is coming out behind you? Or is it only an issue if it is a man holding a door for a woman? Some things are simply common courtesy and ways of showing respect. I certainly don't find it respectful to be offended if someone opens a door for me! Keep it up, guys; I applaud (and appreciate!) you!
Friday 20 February
By Melvin
You know, It's almost laughable at this point. Luckily I'm the type of man that already posessed the information provided in this post. However, It's really laughable how women will place value on these qualities of Courtesy and social etiquette, yet turn tail and run at the first sign of a man who plays by the rules that you've set. How are we really supposed to win, when you don't want what you tell us to give you?
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Friday 20 February
By watdafuk
It`s nice to be nice,Just common decency.
Reply
Friday 20 February
By Brooke
When I was in school, I went to a charter school for a very short time. I got in trouble for holding the door when the boys were supposed to. I dont think that anyone should have to be in a spot they dont like but..some of the very small ones..well you just have to get over..
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Saturday 21 February
By Jason
This is horseshit, I been with my lady for over three years and to this day I still open the door for her. This is one thing that she brags about to everyone and she loves it very much. Kiss my ass!
Reply
Friday 20 February
By ck
I do things because I try to be a gentleman, not just because they are ladies.
All these "rules"...LOL the bottom line is, the majority of women still go for the men that treat them badly. Thats just a fact.
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Friday 20 February
By Ali
Any woman who is offended by door opening as a common courtesy should be carrying four Starbucks coffees when the man in front of her lets it go. Really, I have to wonder if it is actual women or AOL's sensationlistic storymaking. I don't know any women in their right mind that would be offended by respect.
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Friday 20 February
By Rashaen
Simply a few thoughts on the subject:
Doors may be opened by anyone for anyone. It's simply a polite gesture whether toward someone of the same, opposite, or any sex whatsoever. If a lady wants a door opened for her, she has simply to reach the door second.
On another note, giving up your seat in a public setting goes for anyone who is more infirm than you- not simply women. Men: give up your seat for ladies, elders, and children. You're a big strong fellow and can fend for yourself. Secondly if you relinquish your seat and they don't take it, simply continue standing. You felt like standing and stretching your legs anyway, right? Those who seek to void the world of manners may behave how they like, but you should not relinquish your chivalry, nor should you draw attention to their failings. Or perhaps they don't feel like sitting. Either way you've done the polite thing and they may do as they wish.
Lastly if you have attempted to send a lady home in a cab on her own shame on you. Paying for her cab doesn't solve your impropriety. Take her home and make sure she makes it in the front door before you leave. You'd feel like a true buffoon if she happened to have lost her keys and you weren't there to provide solace and perhaps a place to sleep, wouldn't you?
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Friday 20 February
By John
Not open a door for a woman when I can? Not a chance! Heck, I've even said "you're welcome" to some who haven't thanked me. My parents taught me to say "please" and "thank you", and a little of that can go a long way.
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