They say that manners are the glue that holds society -- not to mention many relationships -- together. Problem is, modern society has run amok with new ways to communicate and shifting roles for men and women. This leaves us many opportunities to mess up royally. So how to behave these days? Following are 20 potentially awkward social situations and how to deal. Now you have no excuse to be a cad.
Following are 20 potentially awkward social situations and how to deal, according to our hand-picked etiquette experts (meaning, far more reliable than your football buddies): Peter Post, author of Essential Manners for Men; Melissa Kirsch, author of The Girl's Guide to Absolutely Everything; and Naomi Paulson, founder of The Etiquette School. Now you have no excuse to be a cad.
Mans Guide to Modern-Day Etiquette
1. Should a man open the car door for a woman when she enters/exits a car/cab?
"This is a nice touch, chivalrous but not necessary," says Kirsch. Post again advises that you ask first, so she has a chance to open the door for herself if she so chooses. No need to do so if you're just pulling over to let her out curbside, when exiting your own door would put you in the middle of traffic.
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2. Can you ask out a woman over the phone/email/text/IM?
"Certainly over the phone, yes," says Post. Email, text or IM might work, if the two of you have a history of communicating via such medium and feel comfortable doing so. A good rule of thumb, says Kirsch, is that "no conversation of emotional import should ever be carried out over any medium that doesn't permit the interlocutors to detect tone of voice." Translation: Phone is best.
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3. Can you cancel dates over phone/email/text/IM?
As with asking for a date, canceling is most respectfully done by phone, but "if you're going into a meeting or something like that, it's understandable that you might not be able to make a call," says Post. What's more important than how you say it is what you say. "You should immediately set another date in order to assure your good intentions," advises Paulson. Adds Post, "If you do cancel without speaking, tell her in your message when you will be able to next call, and then when you do, convey how upset you were for having to cancel."
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4. Is it ever appropriate to break up with someone over the phone/email/text/IM?
"If you are conducting a long-distance affair, then the telephone is acceptable," says Kirsch. Otherwise, the answer is a firm "Absolutely not." Man up and do the deed face to face, lest you be rightly deemed, as Paulson puts it, "a spineless miscreant."
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5. What are the rules for Blackberry/cell phone usage when out on a date?
"Unless you are a doctor or a drug dealer, turn it off and keep it in your pocket," says Kirsch. If you do have to keep it on - for being on-call, or so the babysitter can reach you if needed - then tell your date up front that it's in your pocket, set to vibrate, and that you'll only take a call (stepping outside to do so) for those specific reasons. Though it's second nature to many to tell time via their phones, the distraction it causes, repeatedly diverting your attention away from your date, is unacceptable, says Kirsch. The solution: Wear a watch.
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6. When should a man pull out/push in a woman's chair?
When they arrive at a table, for sure, and if given the opportunity, when you both get up to leave. Don't feel that you have to make this a grand gesture, says Post, "It can be almost a light touching of the chair. It's the thought that's important here."
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7. Does it matter whether or not a man sits facing/away from the wall on a date in a restaurant?
"Think of the woman as the guest of honor," says Post, "and the guest of honor always gets the best seat, which is with her back to the wall, looking out over the room." When applicable, the man should also offer her the seat with less "aisle traffic" passing from behind. If it's a table positioned in the middle of the room, then let her choose where she wants to sit, says Kirsch.
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8. Should a man stand when a woman leaves and returns to a table?
In business situations, no; in social settings, it depends. Though considered an outdated flourish, it is still one that "a woman might like, because it feels like you're putting her up on a pedestal a bit," says Post. Save it for fancy restaurants and more formal dinner parties, though, and if standing up completely feels awkward, it's perfectly acceptable to do a little halfway-out-of-your-chair move. An important footnote: When there's numerous men and woman at a table, only those one or two men sitting next to the woman should stand. Warns Post, "All the men standing up, it becomes more of a circus."
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9. Should a man give his date cabfare at the end of a date?
No, but he should drive her himself, or share a cab that drops her off at her place first. "As the man, it is your responsibility to make sure the night ends with your date getting home safely," says Post. The fact that this gentlemanly gesture just so happens to put you at her front door, where a well-mannered man is more likely to score a goodnight kiss or an invite upstairs, is pure happenstance.
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10. Is there any etiquette to be aware of when using/waiting for a unisex bathroom?
"Not that I can think of," says Kirsch. "Public restrooms are disgusting free-for-alls, and women are just as bad as men about perpetuating this." Just use common sense, says Post. "Don't stand right in front of the door while you're waiting so that the person has to inch her way around you to get out of the bathroom."
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For further edification, check out Things Guys Shouldn't Do in Public -- a guide to our public behavior by the ladies at Lemondrop.





















You can make a million dollars, call your mother every day, pick up other people's litter and spend your Christmas vacation clanging a bell for the Salvation Army. Go ahead and make one slip-up in the manners department, however, and your date will instantly label you a cretin at best, a cad at worst.




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Saturday 21 February
By Dottie
My hubby opens doors, pull out my seatand if I go to leave the table he stands when I come back he stands . I come home from shopping he comes out and carries all the bag want let me carry nothing. At first it was really strange but Now I like it. lol..
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Saturday 21 February
By aargh
Wow 20 rules for men...written by a woman...and they wonder why we go to prostitutes.
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Saturday 21 February
By Ron
I met and dated dozens of American women and became 100% turned off by their in-your-face, raunchy, profane, hate and blame men for any reason feminism ..so I traveled the world, learned that foreign women are often much better mate-material, and married a kind, highly intelligent lady from the Philippines ..we just clebrated our 9th annivesary last August 2008. I encourage good men to do the same ..lea the bitches for others.
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Saturday 21 February
By E. g. c. Hardway
If Women want men to act like old school Gentleman then they need to get the vast majority of women (yeah I mean you. You right there, the one reading this)to learn to act like a Lady. You don't get to have it both ways you already get better treatment in American society so no more freebies. Cross you legs put gloves on and proper hat get that old whale bone corsets out and cinch yourself up until you cut off ail flow bind your feet and please please shut the hell up.
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Saturday 21 February
By bdnne
by JRinBellingham
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10 things women should never do in public:
- Talk about what you eat, or don't eat. If there is a person who cares, they, like you, should be fed to the men who would care about what you're seriously talking about
- Talk about your weight, your hair, or who you wish you (think you) look like. Your sleight of hand insecurities are obviously in need of salving, but the only reason we're going to reassure you (us men) is because we know that you'll take your panties off for us later if we do
- Wear clothes that accentuate your sexuality and act offended when your display elicits a response. Men are dogs, women are cats. Neither is better than the other, though some might pretend to find liberty in the argument because they are so painfully (what's that word that so often defines you ladies...) insecure
- Talk on the phone (are you seeing the pattern ladies? Your incessant chatter is useless, tiring, and an impediment to anything constructive that might otherwise be going on)
- Use the bathroom for anything other than urinating, defecating, or throwing up the meager portions you made sure we noticed you ate
- Spend 95% of your life posturing to convince yourself you're something you never will be. Penis envy is a tragic, embarassing thing that only empowers the men you so enviously despise (why don't men CARE!?)
- In congruence: Go topless. Same reasons listed for men. The number of you who really look good topless...not all breasts/guts are created equal
- Drive. Females are generally better at multi-tasking when given frivolous, clerical/hygenic chores, but given specific activity oriented tasks, you fail to remember that make-up, the radio, and your best friend next to you aren't just as important as the traffic around you
- Talk about how wasted you got. The only difference here being that when men tell their stories, they're generally funny. Yours are just a desperate cry for attention (instead of a hollow war-trump of pathetic bravado)
- Shop. The endless materialism of women makes your genuine depth (I'm so snarky, but I NEED those shoes!) disappointingly apparent. There is nothing that invites more disdain/target practice, than women satiating their primal urge to acquire new, flashy things.
- Is that already 10? But there are so many more... Isn't sexism fun?
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Saturday 21 February
By Phillip Logan
As we've all been told, talked at, talked about, a man isn't fit to live, ought to be horsewhipped and so on if he leaves the toilet seat up. I remember one time when a friend told me his girlfriend was into the second day of steady ripping him to pieces because he left the toilet seat up and she sat down on the cold porcelain. I asked him if she was blind and couldn't see the seat was up and to not sit down on the porcelain and he said when he asked her that she said it "doesn't matter." Well, I guess that's as good an answer as any but the thing I'm curious about is this: If we're all agreed that the man should not leave the toilet seat up because when the woman comes along next to use the toilet she'll need it down, what about the woman? After she uses the toilet the great likelihood is the man will be the next one to use it (and use it to urinate since that's what a toilet is used most for), she having just used it, so isn't she, out of fairness and equality and common decency, obligated to leave the seat raised to leave it ready for the man to use next? Has anyone ever known a woman to do that? --Phil Logan
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Tuesday 24 February
By ...
um, i dont think all of those are quite right but oh well,,, and women DO deserve some respect, but remember that dudes do too.
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