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An open letter to all you party girls out there:

A new study shows that while college-age women are drinking in excess because they think it will impress the guys, men are far from impressed, and would prefer women who don't try to match them drink for drink.

If any women out there have been led into a life of heavy drinking while trying to impress dudes, let us explain why it doesn't actually work.

1) Yes, it's true guys tend to glorify other guys who can drink a lot. Maybe that is where you ladies got confused with all the bro shakes, high-fives and projectile vomiting. However, even science shows men and women are different when it comes to some things. And alcohol is one of them.

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Women can't drink nearly as much as men. We're not trying to keep the female down with antiquated pseudoscience. It's a fact: Men typically have more overall body mass, and women absorb about 30 percent more alcohol into their bloodstreams, regardless of body mass.

A girl can consume about half the alcohol as a guy and will also feel its effects much faster. So when you claim you can match us shot-for-shot, it comes off as a flattering declaration of interest, but you're actually drinking much, much more, which belittles us in the long run.

2) If a guy encourages you to drink beyond a couple SoCo and Limes, the chances are he's a d*ck. So basically, you're working extra hard to impress a d-bag. And there's nothing sexy about a girl trying to impress a d-bag. It may begin innocently enough with a couple of cute shots at pool, but all too often ends with a scene reminiscent of "The Accused."

2.5) This brings us to reason 2.5. When a guy gets hopelessly sloshed, he can be anything from a charming fool to a belligerent nuisance. However when a girl does, she basically comes off as a great big, vulnerable target for those up to no good. Sure, anyone is entitled to a drunken hook-up, if that's the way they want to go. But, knowing how guys -- especially inebriated guys -- operate, it makes us uncomfortable to see a female friend wave her drunkenness around like a red flag to a room full of bulls. And the thought of dating a gal who does this regularly is quite unappealing.

Of course if you're looking for the kind of relationship where you don't mind waking up next to someone who's lost his or her bodily functions, who are we to judge?