Way Out of Your League Girl
Recent studies suggest that the same hormones which make women attractive to men also make members of the fairer sex less likely to be faithful. So expecting a woman who is way out of your league to remain true is not only a slap in the face of common sense, but also science. And science and common sense both tend to slap back really hard.
Jim Spellman, WireImage
Should Be in AA Girl
Due to discrepancies in metabolism, an average female can't drink nearly as much as an average male and still keep it together. Given that there are the same number of hours in the night for both sexes, this makes having a girlfriend who doesn't know when to say when an enormous liability. That is unless you enjoy being rewarded for chivalrously carrying a lifeless body home with a shirt full of puke.
Djamilla Rosa Cochran, WireImage
Girls with body issues are often cheap dates, but no amount of money saved on entrees is worth having to deal with hours upon hours of whining and deep despair over how certain cuts of fabrics make certain body parts look "horribly obee" or "deformed."
If you hadn't noticed, the entire Western world is set up to make men notice how women look. So, if your lady gets mad when your eyes don't remain perfectly straight when a pretty girl walks by, your life will become an unwinnable struggle against all of your ingrained cultural instincts. Be smart and escape at the first hint of ownership. (Pictured: Glenn Close and Michael Douglas in "Fatal Attraction.")
Ever since the collapse of Wall Street, there has been an abundance of these types floating around, looking for a new wallet to plunder. Sure they may be nice to look at, but in these tough economic times they are about as prudent as a sub-prime mortgage.
Can't Make a Decision Girl
Having a girl who uses her being in a relationship as an excuse to defer all life decisions to another person can be flattering for about a second. Then it becomes like dating a robot.
Gets Up in Other People's Faces Girl
A woman who thinks she has the right to say anything to anyone also has the ability to get her boyfriend into fights. Unless you punch like George Foreman, or don't mind spending the occasional night in prison, this type of girl is to be avoided.
Chris Polk, FilmMagic
History of Cheating Girl
If she has cheated on a former boyfriend once before, you can chalk it up to a fluke. Twice, think about a tracking device. If she's cheated three times, the only reason you are still with her is because you are foolhardily attempting a mythical dating scenario called "no strings attached."
Girl in the Restaurant or Bar Industry
Service-industry employees work hard, party hard, sleep late, and have a lot of crazy sex in tight spaces with other service-industry employees. If you happen to have a regular job, and are not going to be there for the partying, the late sleeping and the acrobatic sex, you don't stand much of a chance with a hospitality girl. (You might as well include dating a stripper in this category.) (Pictured: Jennifer Aniston in "Office Space.")
Girl You Met on MySpace
It's possible that there are no longer any real people left on MySpace. But if you do find a living, breathing, allegedly female humanoid in that bot-filled ghost town, she's likely to be underage, the purveyor of some sort of professional service or, upon closer inspection, not actually female at all. All are characteristics leading to a real-life relationship that is nasty, brutish and short. (Pictured: Drew Barrymore in "He's Just Not That Into You.")