We recently came across a post on AOL Living about the types of guys you don't want to date. Apparently, being a "charmer" means you're probably also a cheater; "nice guys" are putting up a front for being judgmental and bossy; and "control freaks" are, well, control freaks. We'd like to remind the ladies who put this together that women aren't perfect, either. And with a nod to that article and a warning to our homeys, here are 13 types of girls you need to watch out for, and never date. If you've had experience with any of these types (or if there are any we missed), tell us about it in the comments.
Girls You Dont Want to Date
Way Out of Your League Girl
Recent studies suggest that the same hormones which make women attractive to men also make members of the fairer sex less likely to be faithful. So expecting a woman who is way out of your league to remain true is not only a slap in the face of common sense, but also science. And science and common sense both tend to slap back really hard.
Jim Spellman, WireImage
Should Be in AA Girl
Due to discrepancies in metabolism, an average female can't drink nearly as much as an average male and still keep it together. Given that there are the same number of hours in the night for both sexes, this makes having a girlfriend who doesn't know when to say when an enormous liability. That is unless you enjoy being rewarded for chivalrously carrying a lifeless body home with a shirt full of puke.
Djamilla Rosa Cochran, WireImage
Body-Issue Girl
Girls with body issues are often cheap dates, but no amount of money saved on entrees is worth having to deal with hours upon hours of whining and deep despair over how certain cuts of fabrics make certain body parts look "horribly obee" or "deformed."
X17
Super-Jealous Girl
If you hadn't noticed, the entire Western world is set up to make men notice how women look. So, if your lady gets mad when your eyes don't remain perfectly straight when a pretty girl walks by, your life will become an unwinnable struggle against all of your ingrained cultural instincts. Be smart and escape at the first hint of ownership. (Pictured: Glenn Close and Michael Douglas in "Fatal Attraction.")
Everett Collection
Super-High-Maintenance Girl
Ever since the collapse of Wall Street, there has been an abundance of these types floating around, looking for a new wallet to plunder. Sure they may be nice to look at, but in these tough economic times they are about as prudent as a sub-prime mortgage.
Getty Images
Can't Make a Decision Girl
Having a girl who uses her being in a relationship as an excuse to defer all life decisions to another person can be flattering for about a second. Then it becomes like dating a robot.
nationalphotogroup.com
Gets Up in Other People's Faces Girl
A woman who thinks she has the right to say anything to anyone also has the ability to get her boyfriend into fights. Unless you punch like George Foreman, or don't mind spending the occasional night in prison, this type of girl is to be avoided.
Chris Polk, FilmMagic
History of Cheating Girl
If she has cheated on a former boyfriend once before, you can chalk it up to a fluke. Twice, think about a tracking device. If she's cheated three times, the only reason you are still with her is because you are foolhardily attempting a mythical dating scenario called "no strings attached."
Getty Images
Girl in the Restaurant or Bar Industry
Service-industry employees work hard, party hard, sleep late, and have a lot of crazy sex in tight spaces with other service-industry employees. If you happen to have a regular job, and are not going to be there for the partying, the late sleeping and the acrobatic sex, you don't stand much of a chance with a hospitality girl. (You might as well include dating a stripper in this category.) (Pictured: Jennifer Aniston in "Office Space.")
Fox
Girl You Met on MySpace
It's possible that there are no longer any real people left on MySpace. But if you do find a living, breathing, allegedly female humanoid in that bot-filled ghost town, she's likely to be underage, the purveyor of some sort of professional service or, upon closer inspection, not actually female at all. All are characteristics leading to a real-life relationship that is nasty, brutish and short. (Pictured: Drew Barrymore in "He's Just Not That Into You.")
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Comments:
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Thursday 12 March
By ANGE
YOU DATE GORGEOUS WOMEN , THEN EXPECT LITTLE IN RETURN , DRAMA , BIPOLAR MOOD SWINGS , AND PAIN
Reply
Thursday 12 March
By Ralphie
Date ! whats that anyways? , Ive never dated had alot of one night stands , which works perfect especially when you dont want to be controlled or bugged the hell out of . Women like to change men I personally dont need to be changed so I stay single and get mine !!!
Reply
Thursday 12 March
By angela
another thing!! im also a REAL person who has myspace and who does NOT have any one of these 'issues' written about in this article. and i know plenty of ppl who have myspace accounts who are also real and decent people!!
Reply
Thursday 12 March
By frabittz
Jean,your blog describes my EX-wife perfectly!The best thing that ever happened in my life was divorceing her 26 years ago!Please ladies and gents,dont ever bite the hook so blindly as I did,and if you do,get out quickly and RUN!
Reply
Thursday 12 March
By boofdahpoo
I'm a woman who has been happily married for almost 10 years now, and believe that this "advice" is pretty surface-level and shallow. The best advice that I can give (and generally followed when dating) to both men and women is older than the hills but is timeless and true: Spend time with someone who likes and respects you for who you are, treats you and other people well, and is overall a goodhearted and trustworthy person--and hey, you can't go wrong.
Reply
Thursday 12 March
By Ralphie
Happly married .. hmm B/S you have regrets your holding back on you got stuck , now your happy not having any work skills , relying on love . well you cant eat or pay bill,s with love , you need to venture out . spread your wing,s and grow
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Saturday 14 March
By Palmira
Look "happy single", just because you can't warm your bed after all the "one night stands" which are probably just with lotion doesn't mean people can be happily married. If you haven't noticed that I feel sorry for you. Oh and close the lotion bottle maybe you can build a life-long relationship with another human... if you try hard enough.
P.
Thursday 12 March
By Jessica
Um...my husband met me on MySpace...granted, we didn't set out to meet each other on a website, but it happened. We met each other in person at a bar (which they say you never meet anyone worthwhile at a bar). We have been together for nearly three years now and will celebrate our first wedding anniversary on May 10. As far as I can tell, I am not psycho or bitchy or anything else you have mentioned...if I was, would I have gotten married? My husband and I have a great relationship and everyone around us actually respects us for being open and honest with each other. You can't and shouldn't judge a book by it's cover.
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Thursday 12 March
By Gail
Wow, you people take things way too personal and seriously. Lighten up and enjoy the humor, geeze. Xanax anyone?
Reply
Thursday 12 March
By Why
Mr. Taylor you are pathetic. Even if your married I would have to bet you found a girl that didn't fall into any of these categories?
Your pretty much wrong on 80% of those. Go kill yourself.
Reply
Thursday 12 March
By Betty
It appears you are describing a narcissistic sociopath, no wonder he was scary! Look for a man with nothing but a soul!
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Thursday 12 March
By Annelise
People, people. Did you read the one Lemondrop.com did on men? That one was fairly serious and kind of harsh, despite it's validity. This was a satirical reply. It was a joke. You know, like ha-ha-ha? They don't want you to take it seriously, ok? Ok.
Reply
Thursday 12 March
By Johnny
You forgot the suicidally depressed and completely dependent girl who threatens to kill herself if you were a couple minutes late calling her. You know, the one who would sooner cut you than herself. Does anyone know where I can get some bactine?
Reply
Thursday 12 March
By What BS!
Ah, perfect. I'm going to add that photo-essay to "The 13 Types of Articles I Should Never Read."
Reply
Thursday 12 March
By Frank
Jean is describing a psychopath. They come in both verieties.
Reply
Thursday 12 March
By Karen
I picked a seemingly cofident person to date to cover up my lack of confidence He was very controlling and I was so insecure that I liked being controlled. weve been married for 32 yrs. And hes saying grow up and Im saying stop trying to control me we both have issues but somehow we make it work.
Reply
Thursday 12 March
By Jeff
Common sense will keep a man away from these nut cases. Western cultures create these types of women. If you leave America and observe real women you will quickly find women that are sane. In Western cultures, sex sells, period. This is why women here think that what they have between their legs, no other woman has. Men here have made them think that way. Beauty fades, ugly lasts forever.
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Thursday 12 March
By MIke T
FINALLY, that post pissed me off so much, im so glad to see a similar post about girls. I cant believe that lady got a book like that published....would you publish my book because im old, wrinkly and bitter i haven't been laid in years? because she is too busy judging everyone and putting them into category's instead of actually get to know them? FUCK NO, so why does this b*tch make money?
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Thursday 12 March
By Amanda
This is the most ridiculous piece of sh*t column I have ever seen.
Reply
Thursday 12 March
By Dan
this collumn is very generalizing and stereotypical. what a complete load of garbage. and I'm a guy.
Reply