In the past, most of the debate over dogs that speak Human has centered on why Goofy gets to talk while Pluto is just a barkity old house pet. But recently Asylum opened up a new front in the speaking-canine discussion: Would you neuter a talking dog?


We weigh the pros and cons of chopping off such an exceptional animal's "manhood" after the jump.

Snip Those Suckers.
-- There is a good chance the offspring of a talking dog would also have the ability to speak. And the last thing we want is for dogs to be able to talk to each other. After Fido learns he isn't the only one who hates the leash, man just might need to find a new best friend.

-- When your pet can verbalize how much he wants to hump your leg, it is best to take all action that would discourage thoughts about humping.

-- Any time your talking dog gets too lippy you can shut him right up by showing him his own balls. (Yes, we would recommend keeping the severed testicles of such an exceptional animal.)

-- A virile talking dog would be a celebrity in the dog community, especially with the lady dogs. And while having your home surrounded by bitches in heat might sound all hip-hop, it would actually be a nightmare of urine, blood and every sex-crazed male dog in a five-mile radius joining the fray.

Talking Dogs Are People, Too.
-- It stands to reason that there are pervs out there who would pay to hear your dog talk about sex. And with a fetish that bizarre and difficult to satisfy, they would probably pay a lot.

-- Turnabout is fair play. So if you neuter your talking dog, he would surely use his unique power of speech to cock-block you at every opportunity.

-- If you snip a talking dog, you would also castrate a mute person, right? Slippery slope here, folks, slippery slope.

-- Once the talking dog is neutered, what are the chances any other speaking animal steps up and advertises his unusual skill? And thus the secrets of the Animal Kingdom will never be revealed.