Middleweight Champion Anderson "The Spider" Silva will defend his belt this Saturday against fellow Brazilian Thales Leites. We will watch this showcase the same way we've watched all the others ... with our 5-year-old nephew, Calvin.
Calvin may be the only human who has watched the UFC his entire life, because he's had no choice. Calvin does legitimately love the sport, however, which is why we've gotten him MMA training. After four-and-a-half years of diligent work, we can confidently say he is no "TUFer." He has easily the best clinch game in kindergarten, has solid submission defense, and his overhand right is Mike Goldberg's wet dream come true.
Instead of the usual pre-fight hype, we decided to ask Calvin to step up. We gave him a Crayola box of 64, a stack of construction paper and a fight card. Check out Lil Calvin's predictions in the gallery below.
Anderson Silva vs. Thales Leites - When I asked Calvin who he thought would win, he stared me dead in the eye and coldly said, "Anderson is going to knock his fweakin' head off."
Chuck Liddell vs. Mauricio "Shogun" Rua - Calvin said Chuck will win by a knockout in the third. Afterwards, while Chuck is celebrating, he will scream so hard and loud that he'll go Super Saiyan.
Steve Cantwell vs. Luis Arthur Cane - Calvin got a little bored thinking of how this fight was going to play out, so he drew an alien shooting Cantwell and Cane with a laser that vaporizes everything except for their skeletons.
Antoni Hardonk vs. Cheick Kongo - Calvin thinks that Antoni Hardonk will forfeit after reflecting on Cheick Kongo's past performances and when seeing Cheick's new knee pads.
TJ Grant vs. Ryo Chonan - Calvin said, "no one cares who will win this fwight." His prediction is that Joe Rogan will sneak away to take some of his "happy medicine" that his uncle and grandpa always talk about.
Brian Stann vs. Krzysztof Soszynski - Given that Brian "All American" Stann is a Marine Captain and Silver Star winner, Calvin thinks he will summon bald eagles to attack and defeat Krzysztof.
Matt Wiman vs. Sam Stout - Calvin thinks Matt "Handsome" Wiman and Sam "I have great cheek bones and pouty lips" Stout will simply stare into the camera making his uncle question a lot of things about himself.