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Every once in a while, you find yourself in the bathroom at your girlfriend's place flipping through Cosmo, Allure or, God forbid, Marie Claire. And it's always the same thing -- so-called beauty and relationship experts offer up canned answers to same questions time and time again.

So in an attempt to get some fresh answers men can understand, we contacted Kerri Kenney-Silver, who plays Deputy Trudy Wiegel on "Reno 911!", to answer questions ripped from the pages of women's magazines.

My boyfriend always wants to have sex with the lights on but I hate it! What should I do?
You should probably get your ass on a treadmill.

My guy wants me to act much younger during sex. Is that normal?
It's normal if you're dating a pedophile, and if that's the case, everyone has their issues, so give him a break.

My boyfriend constantly talks about his ex, what should I do?
Just feel lucky that you have a boyfriend, because if you're sending questions into a magazine chances are you're fat and unattractive.

Check out more of Deputy Wiegel's top-notch advice, after the jump.

Is it okay to get a Brazilian wax the day before a big date?
What I usually do is get a Mexican wax. That is, I dip my privates in a combination of beans and cheese and it burns the hair right off. It lasts much longer than a Brazilian. And I mean hot, hot beans.

There is this sexy guy at work who is in another department. How do I talk to him?
Hide under his desk then when everyone is gone, jump out at him and scream "Rape!" and attack him. That will definitely get his attention.

My boyfriend said he can't go downtown because of his TMJ. Is this true? Should I ask for a note from his doctor?
It could be that it is true, but if it's the TMJ that's a problem. He can take the F line that goes straight downtown, though you do have to make one stop at the civic center.


My boyfriend's skin is really dry. How do I get him to moisturize without embarrassing both of us?
When you're having dinner, slip some roofies in his drink. He'll be out for a good six to seven hours. While he's out slather him in cow butter. Then he'll never have to moisturize again.

I've been dating this guy for three months and he always finds ways to avoid letting me come over to his house. What should I do?
You should just be wary. From my own personal experience he may have a head in a jar in his refrigerator.

If I buy an outfit or shoes my best friend immediately goes out and buys something similar. How do I get her to stop biting my style?
Buy a leopard-skin unitard, rain boots, a sparkly scarf and a fisherman's hat. Once she buys that and wears it I think she'll realize that you shouldn't be her fashion icon anymore.

Is it okay to match a lip color to an outfit?
What? Are you f**king crazy?

Check out Kerri Kenney-Silver on "Reno 911!" Wednesdays at 10:30 p.m. on Comedy Central.

Looking for more expert advice? Check out some of our recent columns.
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