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Short women have had to be lifted to the front of a crowd to avoid getting trampled. We've had to ask for assistance (in a sexy way) retrieving a box of tampons off the top shelf at Duane Reade. We've needed the aid of a phone book to boost our butts in our BMWs to smoke everyone else off the road. We've been through so much, and we're all the stronger for it. Now let us help you out for a change. Here are some not-so-suave attempts at getting the attention of a petite paramour.
10. "Sorry ma'am, you have to be this tall to enjoy this ride." I'd rather ride the sinking Titanic than your hopeless ass.
9. "Someone ran off with my lawn jockey. Care to substitute?" If I don't have to sacrifice vacation days, then yes, I would like to substitute.
8. "Hey little fella." This is actually cute. You can do this.
7. "The children's department is that way." Thanks, the husky section is that way.
Read the top six things you should never say to a short woman after the jump.
6. "What's the PC term these days, dwarf or midget?" Neither, I prefer Lilliputian Goddess.
5. "Which one are you: Sleepy, Dopey or Slutty?" Your mother called -- you left the basement door open again.
4. "Well since you're down near those parts anyway." This subtle hint at a BJ never works. All right, almost never.
3. "Didn't you and your horse win the Kentucky Derby last year?" Why are you asking me, you OTB-loving moron, you should know!
2. "So that'll be one adult and one child?" I'll gladly pay $6 to your $12. Goo-goo ga-ga.
1. "Shut your ass, you little freak!" This came out of the foaming mouth of a venomous older gentleman on the Upper West Side who was receiving a parking ticket from another fierce petite lady. I had just left therapy and was feeling very empowered. He was saying sweet nothings to her, like: "I hope your parents die. If you have children, I hope they die. May you rot in hell, etc ..." I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Don't talk to her like that!" and then he said, "Shut your ass, you little freak!" I replied, in my ladylike tone, "F--- you!" and then I caught the subway home.
More Essential Tips for Things You Should Never Say
10 Things You Should Never Say to a Porn Star
10 Things You Should Never Say to Twins
10 Things You Should Never Say to a Tall Woman
10 Things You Should Never Say to an Asian Woman
10 Things You Should Never Say to a Black Woman
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Monday 20 April
By kamapalooza13
Maybe instead of lists of what not to say, we could have some lists of lines that might work? I think that would be beneficial to both sides of the conversation.
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Saturday 27 June
By Sheppy
Other lists might include:
o What not to say to Jewish guys;
o What not to say to Jewish girls;
o What not to say to short guys;
o What not to say to Hispanic guys or girls;
o Etc.
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