In his new film, "Bart Got a Room,"
William H. Macy plays the recently divorced father of a hapless young Floridian who has a limo and a hotel room, but no date to the prom. With thoughts of helping those poor, beleaguered V-card toting youths getting ready for prom, we asked Macy to tell us about his prom experience and provide a little advice on making the night special.Have Your Priorities
Macy: "My senior prom, it was all planned. Unbeknownst to me, my date had covered her tracks saying she was going to be at another girlfriend's house and a hotel room was rented. The thing is, my brother loaned me his 396 Chevelle with a 4-barrel and a souped-up rear end, brand new -- this was 1968. This thing would peel rubber in three gears. It was one of the fastest production muscle cars you could buy. When it was all said and done, I realized I had the rest of my life to get laid and my brother was never going to give me his car again, so we just drove the freaking car all night. Oh, my date was mad."
Everyone Deals With Desire
"I don't think sex is such a big thing these days as it was in my day. Then, it was a big deal. A bunch of kids had gotten hotel rooms and I never it made it to one of those, but as I understand it, it was Sodom and Gomorrah. We Lutherans are a repressed lot, and when we let go it's Vesuvius."
William H. Macy explains the two easiest nights for a young guy to get laid and what song to lose your virginity to, after the jump.
Dance, Dance Copulation
"If I had to do one thing over I would learn how to dance and dance well. You're as good as in if you know how to dance. You can pretty much choose any girl you want because girls love to dance. And it's actually fun, it's as close to sex as you're going to get with your clothes on. So I would say dance, and learn how to dress. I see these young guys who walk into a formal gathering and they haven't shaved and they have a baseball hat on, I just want to take them outside and spank them. It is so rude. I can't stand the guys that do that."
Even If You're Dateless, Get a Room and a Tux
"Why not? Especially if you're well-dressed and know how to dance, I'd say get a room. Know how to wear that tuxedo, too. You've got to know how to wear the clothes. When I put those on I look like an idiot and I've got the photographs to prove it. So you've got learn how to wear clothes. So I'd practice in the tux a little bit."
Proms Are As Sexy As War Demonstrations
"The prom and demonstrations, those are the places to prowl ... Back in my day we were protesting the Vietnam War, and the two places you were pretty likely to get laid was at a protest if there was tear gas, if there was violence of any kind, oh my god, you could get laid in a New York minute. The girls got so hot. The second place was the prom. There's heavy drinking."The Importance of a Nice Ride
"Back in my day it meant something. These days, I think most girls mock the relationship guys have with their car. I don't think a car is going to get you anywhere. If I were choosing a car now, with the goal being women not transportation, I'd choose something funky. I'd go vintage. A '57 Cadillac with the big fins or a Nash Rambler. These cars might turn a girl's head."
Music for Making Love
"I find some of the modern music to be so boring. It strikes me as a lot of false emotion by people who are too young to know what they are talking about. I also can't stand it when singers whisper. To me, when people whisper they are either talking about sex, or money or they're lying. So when I hear a singer who is whispering I think, 'Well, you better be talking about sex or money or lying.'
"I'd suggest Led Zeppelin, but I don't know if girls today would be into that. Who's that band that plays 'I Will Fix You?' The guy that sings in the falsetto all the time? Gwyneth Paltrow's beau? Coldplay. That would probably be a good one."Pick the Right Lady
"One of the things I've always thought about sex that parents and people in authority don't stress enough is, yeah yeah yeah, everybody knows about diseases and unwanted pregnancies and all of that stuff, but I don't think they stress enough you can really get your heart broken. So I would say to all the young kids out there choose wisely, because a broken heart can take a long time to get over. Don't spend yourself foolishly."
As Mr. Macy hints, the very first time can often be the worst time. We got some readers to confess about their first-time flops.