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Whether it was Mrs. Metheny from the second grade or the bikini-clad vixen from Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" video, everyone has a teacher they crushed on. Teachers give us so much and get paid so very little. In honor of Teacher Appreciation Week, we at Asylum salute the hot teachers who inspired us to learn (and to fantasize about them during class). They'll have you polishing your apple in no time. Seriously, polish an apple for them. It's the least you could do.

Ms. Norbury (Tina Fey), "Mean Girls"
Tina Fey penned herself the perfect Tina Fey role in the only watchable piece of celluloid to feature Lindsay Lohan. Whether taking her female students to task for calling each other "sluts" or accidentally baring her bra during class, Ms. Norbury is one of the more realistic teachers to appear on the big screen. And she's a lot funnier than that "Nick Freno: Licensed Teacher" guy.

The "Hot for Teacher" Teacher
The bikini-clad teacher in Van Halen's classic video stands in for pretty much every teacher adolescent boys ever lusted after. The hottie teacher intimidates poor Waldo (voiced by Phil Hartman), the constant target of pint-size bullies who look suspiciously like members of Van Halen. But by the end, Waldo scores the babes, while David Lee Roth becomes a game show host and Eddie Van Halen gets institutionalized. Score one for the dweebs.

Get more sultry instructions after the jump.

Ms. Cooke (Jeri Ryan), "Boston Public"
"Boston Public" is mostly remembered as one of the many overly preachy David E. Kelley talk fests that aired constantly during the early aughts. But it did feature its fair share of telegenic teachers, like "Star Trek: Voyager"'s Jeri Ryan, who traded her skintight Seven of Nine bodysuit for bland teacher garb. While Ryan spices up anything she's in, the idea that her character would ditch a law career for the coupon-clipping life of a teacher is about as believable as those coed bathrooms on "Ally McBeal."
Miss Cross (Olivia Williams), "Rushmore"
The object of Max Fischer's borderline creepy affection, Williams' beauty and charm sets off a hilarious war between Max and Bill Murray's bitter old rich dude. Miss Cross exemplifies every misplaced crush we ever had during our youth -- be it on a teacher, babysitter or that camp counselor who totally winked at us once. Seriously, we were basically married that summer.

Miss Honeywell (Kim Cattrall), "Porky's"
Before she became a vessel for cheesy puns on "Sex and the City," Kim Cattrall was one of the hottest stars of the '80s. And she was never hotter than as the sexed-up Miss Honeywell, who earned the nickname "Lassie" for her howling performance in the boys' locker room. Who knew the smell of sweaty socks was such a turn-on?

Ms. Vaughn (Bridgette Wilson), "Billy Madison"
Retaking every single grade doesn't seem all that bad when you have Bridgette Wilson's third-grade teacher helping you study by stripping down to her underwear. She could definitely help us remember that the Spanish Armada took place in 1466. '67. Uh, 1469. 1514. 1981?

Miss Davis (Tonie Perensky), "Varsity Blues"
You might remember Miss Davis as the teacher the "Blues" boys caught moonlighting as a stripper. While she fulfilled many a "hot for teacher" fantasy, Miss Davis is also a sad commentary on the plight of our nation's underpaid educators. And is it us, or does she look suspiciously like a certain gun-toting Alaskan politician?

Mrs. Tingle (Helen Mirren), "Teaching Mrs. Tingle"
Though certifiably "nucking futs," Mrs. Tingle earns points for acting circles around co-stars Katie Holmes and the dude from "Seventh Heaven." Mirren is pretty much the only reason to sit through this forgettable late-'90s teen "thriller," which went under the much better title "Killing Mrs. Tingle" before Columbine happened and made it not OK to consider murdering a teacher. If only it had been called "Mrs. Tingle Kills Her Annoying Students." That we'd pay to see.

Ms. Johnson (Michelle Pfeiffer), "Dangerous Minds"
"Dangerous Minds" is pretty much responsible for the "inspirational white teacher saves inner-city kids" genre that gave us duds like "Freedom Writers" and "Music of the Heart." That said, Michelle Pfeiffer could inspire us to get motivated and stuff any day. But we won't listen to "Gangsta's Paradise." No teacher is that inspirational.

Your Fifth-Grade Teacher
Seriously, your fifth-grade teacher was hot. She was fresh out of grad school, you were fresh out of acne cream. She was kind-hearted and believed in you, having not yet been beaten down by years of working in the education system. And she possessed the amazing ability to make "Moby Dick" interesting, all while smelling vaguely of fresh laundry and warm blueberry muffins. You will search in vain for the rest of your sad life to find a woman like Miss Walsh. Or was it Miss Cobb?