A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste -- and you've probably got a brainload of naughty thoughts swimming around up (or down) there in that head of yours. You've also probably kept them pent-up, sure that if you tell your woman what you really fantasize about, she'll freak out, find you a shrink, and/or flee the country.That's why we did some research on your fantasies with the following sexperts: Dr. Alex Moran, a certified clinical sexologist; Debby Herbenick, PhD, associate director for the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University; and Barry McCarthy, PhD, co-author of "Rekindling Desire: A Step by Step Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages." Read on to find out why your fantasies are perfectly healthy and how to incorporate them into your sex life. Consider this a cheat sheet for making your fantasies a reality.
What Your Sex Fantasies Say About You
Women in uniforms
Cheerleaders, nurses, flight attendants -- you know, the classics. What do all these women have in common? "They're there to tend to your needs," says Moran. (Or in the case of the cheerleader, your ego.) No wonder men can't stop thinking about them. Much like the coffee-shop girl, this fantasy is ripe for roleplaying. But if you're worried your girl won't go for it, let her have a hand in creating the fantasy with you before you even jump into bed. Ask her if she would like to pick out the costume she most wants to wear (and then, of course, have torn off her yearning body by yours truly).
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Having a striptease performed for him
Still can't get that scene from True Lies out of your head -- you know, the one where Jamie Lee Curtis seduces hubby Ah-nuld Schwarznegger in a darkened bedroom? You're not alone. It's all about "playing out an erotic scenario from a movie, or a scene from a porn film," says McCarty, and it's quite common. Get your girl in on the act by picking a scene from an R-rated movie to start; jump straight into the hardcore XXX stuff and you'll probably scare her off.
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Being watched while masturbating
Even if self-stimulating is a normal part of your sexual routine with your partner, this might stand out as a fantasy, too. "The idea of being watched by many or being 'caught' masturbating speaks to a man's desire to feel sexy, wanted and desired," says Debby. In other words, it's not just about putting on a show; it's about feeling that you are sexually irresistible to all of womankind. Suggest that you two kick off your next sexual romp when she accidentally "catches" you in the shower or on the couch (but leave the exact where and when up to her).
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Twins!
What is it about twins that get guys so hot? It's a medical mystery. Some sexperts say it's about a man making up for any real-life shortcomings or anxieties by believing he can satisfy two women at once; others suggest a Freudian take, that it represents sexual tension a man is experiencing with a family member; still others just chalk it up to pop culture. You can post all the personal ads you want, but chances are the Doublemint twins will never knock on your door. And that's probably a good thing. Says Moran, "Most men cannot emotinoally or physically handle being with multiple partners." Save this one for when you need some mental stimulation.
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Sex with the Starbucks girl
Men often tell of fantasizing about the woman they see every day -- the coffee barista, the diner waitress -- but don't really know on a personal level. As a regular figure in a man's life, she's a likely fantasy (see: sleeping with buddy's wife/girlfriend); as a stranger, she is ripe for having a man's sexual fantasies projected onto her like a blank canvas. "A man can have his own, wild notions of what this particular woman would be like in bed," says Debby. Lucky for you, such a fantasy is ready-made for roleplay sex. You might even want to bring home a little coffee-shop swag for your woman to wear to get you going.
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Sex in the bathroom at a party
While Moran attributes this oldie-but-goodie to the desire for a straight-up adrenaline rush, McCarthy warns that "such fantasies are usually a disappointment when played out in real life and usually work best when kept in the fantasy realm." To get the best of both worlds, agree beforehand to stop at, say, second base; don't head for home until you're, well, heading for home.
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Joining the mile-high club / Getting road head
What is it about sex at top speed? It's not just about all those women-are-like-cars cliches. "The common erotic charge comes from spontanoues desire -- a very quick, hot, non-verbal erotic encounter," says McCarty. Another element that plays into these fantasies is "the woman being so aroused she can't help herself, even though sex under these conditions can be dangerous." Yeah, it can be, so our only advice is proceed with caution.
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Sleeping with a buddy's wife or girlfriend
Both men and women, says Debby, "most commonly fantasize about people they are very familiar with -- making them more likely to pop up in thoughts and dreams -- but who are still somehow unattainable." So it's not necessarily a crush, or even creeping towards an affair, if your naughty thoughts stay in your head and don't cross over into, say, illicit late-night conversations. If you think your wife or girlfriend would be game for it, try some dirty talk that brings your fantasy friend into the bedroom for a "threesome."
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Comments:
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Saturday 09 May
By mikey
aJUST WHAT I WANTED MY KID TO KNOW..THANKS AOL. DISCUSSING SEXUAL FANATASIES WITH ADULTS? IF ADULTS NEED THAT KIND OF DISCUSSION AND OR SEX THERAPY/ADVICE..THEY SHOULD NT BE HAVING SEX..I MEAN , EVEN THE ANIMALS KNOW HOW TO HAVE SEX..UNREAL THAT THESE TOPICS EXIST IN ADULT CIRCLES...
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Saturday 09 May
By nol
wow, Mikey, so uptight! You must be REAL good between the sheets, yawn.
Saturday 09 May
By retaf1stsgt
chill man it's the 21st century.
Saturday 09 May
By Cue
If anyone thinks this article is truly sexy, they don't know much about sex. By the way, mikey, your wife tells me you are lousy in bed.
Saturday 09 May
By Bob
RE: Worst Excuses. You must have compiled your kist before Nancy Pelosi explained why her briefing on waterboarding wasn't really a briefing.
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Saturday 09 May
By motorcycledude43
Are my eyes seeing things? Is that stripper wearing crotchless panties??
Reply
Sunday 10 May
By Tami
Nope it's not your eyes. She was. Glad my son didn't see this article.... Really, AOL, can't you get any smuttier?!
Saturday 09 May
By almyliduse
I think thats why software companys make parental blocks! You put in key words, like SEX and BOOM! no kid can see that stuff...I mean any animal can do that for its offsprong to protect them. And why are your kids up this late anyway?? Dont see stuff like this during the day time!!
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Saturday 09 May
By usgirls800
I own my own phone fantasy company and I guess over the years I've seen it all at 1800usgirls dot com. Nothing shocks me anymore.
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Saturday 09 May
By d
cheerleaders are hot hello who wouldnt have a fantasy we love you fat girls but hot is allways going to be hot dont be mad non- hot girls just facts not all men have a hot girl there expensive
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Thursday 14 May
By shralla
Cheerleaders? Not always hot. And when they are, they're usually not THAT hot.
And hot girls are expensive? Only if exclusively date bitches.
Sunday 10 May
By SMACK
big deal your kid is going to find out about sex sooner or later if he or she already doesnt. which im sure they do. they arent stupid.its perfectly healthy anyways so calm down
Reply
Sunday 10 May
By realllooove
its amazing really. its the 21st century and STILL, sex articles are written in a male perspective. women apparently dont have sex fantasies...unless it revolves around a man.
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Sunday 17 May
By Darth_Default
Ahh crap.. Here comes the "god" gibberish again...
Religion is the reason most people think that their own bodies are evil, vile and sinful. Hell of a way to treat what your "god" created just for you dumbasses!
Sunday 10 May
By Tree
AOL.....sometimes you're just really disgusting. LUST is a sin.....no matter how it tries to be justified. Real LOVE and respect for a spouse...is the most exciting feeling to share in the bedroom. As God means for it to be.
Reply
Sunday 10 May
By cloudynsunnyca
I find it amusing that you religious nut is looking at "sexual fantasies" and then condemning it. I guess you just shouldn't even be here.....It's all in fun . . . and I mean FUN.......
Thursday 14 May
By chris
god dam you jesus freaks are all the same...get over times have changed look outside its a lot different then what you think it is i mean seriously if you say you never had sexual fantasies then your just a plain ignorant lier
Monday 18 May
By Rastaman
Wow...your a real Douche nozzle arent you tree? Another racist bigot hiding behind "God". Do the world a favor and go kill yourself.
Sunday 10 May
By skavinton
What a heaping load of excrement
Reply
Sunday 10 May
By Frank
I regularly dream that I've seen Elvis out behind the local Walmart making love to a goat who was on fire. Is this strange?
Reply