8 Comments
Summer movie season doesn't just mean killer robots and gratuitous shots of Megan Fox's battery packs. It's also a great time for date movies, with quality romantic comedies like Judd Apatow's "Funny People" and "(500) Days of Summer," the latest Zooey Deschanel indie quirkfest, on the way.

But just like the junky action movies that no girlfriend deserves to be dragged to (ahem, "Wolverine"), this summer is rife with some potentially dreadful rom-coms and weepy dramas that we wouldn't shell out our slowly dwindling cash for even if our relationship depended on it. (Or even for the free air conditioning.) Here's a look at the summer chick flicks that no man (and in some cases, no woman) should be forced to sit through. Be warned: Nia Vardalos is involved in at least two of them.

8. "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past"
What's worse than yet another adaptation of "A Christmas Carol"? One that isn't even released at Christmas and features Matthew McConaughey falling down a lot. Based on the opening-weekend box office, even die-hard McConaughey-heads seem to be ignoring this one. And they actually paid to see "Fool's Gold."

After the break, preview how French cooking, office romance, time traveling and Greek ruins can literally ruin your summer.

7. "Julie & Julia"
Nora Ephron. A best-selling chick-lit memoir. Amy Adams de-prettying herself to play a "normal" girl. Meryl Streep doing a weird accent as Julia Child. We're dealing with near-lethal levels of estrogen here, people. (The CDC should investigate immediately.) Let your lady-person see this on a "girl's night out" while you go to "G.I. Joe" by yourself with all the other sad nerds.



6. "The Ugly Truth"
Be warned: the presence of Katherine Heigl does not make this "Knocked Up." Though the makers would like you to believe that the matchup of Heigl's unlucky-in-love singleton and Gerard Butler's chauvinistic "guy's guy" is just as hilarious. He's Howard Stern, she's Bridget Jones. Opposites attract! And look, Butler's holding a heart near his crotch on the poster. Right, 'cause men think with their penis? Thanks, "The Ugly Truth." We never realized that until you illustrated it in the most bluntly obvious way possible.

5. "I Hate Valentine's Day"
Once the darling of the romantic comedy scene, Nia Vardalos successfully squandered whatever good will she built up by starring in the unwatchable "Connie and Carla" and turning her massive hit "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" into a terrible sitcom. Now she's attempting a comeback by pandering to what's left of her fan base and reuniting with John Corbett for yet another romantic comedy. But this one's different -- she hates Valentine's Day! And has some arbitrary five-date rule for relationships. Will the dude from "Northern Exposure" once again melt her heart? Will she discover that love doesn't follow her rules? Will ... sorry, dozed off there for a minute. Seriously, not even the presence of "world champion" Judah Friedlander can save this one.

4. "The Proposal"
Remember the days when Sandra Bullock ruled the box office? The economy was booming, pigs sneezing was adorable and not panic-inducing. Well, Sandra also remembers those days, and insists on living as if it's still 1998. The plot for this one is straight out of the mid-'90s rom-com playbook, with Bullock forcing Ryan Reynolds to marry her so she won't be deported to Canada. (What is this, "Green Card 2"?) Even the ladies have moved on from you, Sandra. This movie was made for absolutely no one.



3. "My Sister's Keeper"
Four words: Cameron Diaz cancer movie. Six more words: From the director of "The Notebook." The only person this movie benefits is the CEO of Kleenex. This weepfest oughta easily keep them in the black throughout the recession.

2. "My Life in Ruins"
Vardalos again, this time in Greece. Everything about this gem reeks of studio desperation. "Hey ladies, remember that movie about the big fat Greek wedding? You liked that, right? Well, this time the quirky gal actually goes to Greece! Imagine the cross-cultural mishaps that will no doubt occur. And remember the hunk from that movie? No, we don't have him. But we do have Richard Dreyfuss. Nothing says 'hot date night' like Richard Dreyfuss! Hello? Please see this movie."



1. "The Time Traveler's Wife"
Look, we're a sucker for time-travel movies. (Once, we even sat through half of "The Butterfly Effect.") But a story about a time traveler's wife? You're burying the lede here, guys. This should be a high-octane epic about an intrepid secret agent racing back in time to assassinate Hitler, not a weepy drama about the wife who sits around waiting for him to get unstuck in history. It was "Timecop," not "Timecop's Concerned Girlfriend." Once again, Jean-Claude Van Damme got it right.