Alec Baldwin vs. the Philippines -- Who You Got?

It was typical talk show banter -- in discussing his lack of luck with the ladies, Alec Baldwin told David Letterman that he was "thinking about getting a Filipino mail-order bride at this point ... or a Russian one."

While this throw-away comment had every Ruskie with Web-access scrambling to send Baldwin a fake glamour shot of their imaginary sister, over in the Philippines they didn't much cotton to the suggestion their women could be purchased via international wire transfer.

In fact, amid the national outrage, Filipino senator Ramon Revill issued the following threat to Baldwin: "Let him try to come here ... and he'll see mayhem."

At first brush this seems a clear-cut case of an often-overlooked nation trying to drum up exposure by picking a fight with a popular actor. But what if it's more than that, and they actually dance this crazy dance?

After the jump, we compare the fighting capabilities of the world's 12th-largest country to that of TV's Jack Donaghy. It's the type of comparison you are likely never to see again.

Combined Armed Forces
Baldwin comes armed with an ever-expanding cranium and a hair-trigger temper. He's backed by his formidable brothers, Billy (disarmingly handsome), Daniel (meth strength) and Stephen (Jesus power).

The Philippines has a standing army of 114,500 men with 131,000 more in reserve. Its military features the hardware expected from a large sovereign nation. If all that fails, they can always call on the service of favorite-son Manny Pacquiao, the best pound-for-pound boxer in the world.

Military History
While Baldwin has never been involved in what military scholars would call a "hot war," he's been fighting a pretty vicious tabloid battle with Kim Basinger ever since they divorced in 2002. Seeing as Basinger hasn't sniffed a good role since -- while Alec has been busy bringing his brand of over-the-top hilarity to screens big and small -- it's pretty clear who's winning this clash of Hollywood's A-list.

Unlike Baldwin's high-profile, low-casualty dust-ups, the Philippines tends to fight obscure but devastating wars, civil and otherwise. Did you know the Philippines once fought a 14-year war against the United frickin' States? You probably didn't, but it's in all the history books.

Controversial Tactics
Alec Baldwin famously referred to his own daughter as a "thoughtless pig." So there is nothing he wouldn't stoop to in a battle against a Western Pacific archipelago he could feel little connection to.

According to most human rights groups, Filipino security forces regularly torture and murder their own citizens. So Baldwin would be praying for sweet death if they ever caught the raging thespian who insulted them so.

There you have it. In the battle between the Philippines and Alec Baldwin, who do you predict to be the victor?