Our weekly dispatch from the nation's foremost mustache expert.

The American public has lost one of the most iconic figures in pop culture. Some of his features and expressive body language troubled people of Mustached American descent, but his angelic voice still touched the broader facial-hair community like a warm blanket on a cool winter's eve.

Of course, I do not mean Michael Jackson, who was great in his own bizarre right. No, I refer to the late Billy Mays, the black-bearded renegade and mega-phonic television sales impresario whose enduring smile and glass-shattering pitch tones sold us on OxiClean, and even OrangeGlo.

Find out how Mays attempted to bring peace to various facial-hair factions, after the jump.

"I compare myself to a big-league slugger, a quarterback, the doctor who delivers the baby," Mays once said. "I'm not an inventor, but I'll take your product to the next level."

Indeed you did, Billy, but what you did privately was far more impactful to millions of Americans.

Now that he's passed, I feel the time is right to reveal that Mays was quietly a mediator in the great war between facial-hair factions of '03. I specifically recall a meeting that convened at a Bob's Big Boy in Towson, Md. Mays organized the conference of leaders in the mustache, beard and goatee communities over a robust buffet with more than 29 items including pancakes, link sausage, sausage patties, ham, bacon, waffles, biscuits and sausage gravy. There were also made-to-order omelets.

I'll never forget what Billy screamed that day in his bright blue button-down: "If I can peddle this OxiClean to millions of Americans," he yelled, "well damn it, you people can find a way to work in unison to further the liberties of people with all forms of facial hair!"

Of course, there remains a rift in the community, thanks to bearded settlers infringing on mustache turf. Nonetheless, for one shining moment, people of greatness (Mustached Americans), utter weakness (the clean shaven), and those who compromise (beards and goatees) were able to find common ground. It stands as a testament to a singular figure who bridged that great divide and created an equal plane on which we all could coexist.

Godspeed, Billy Mays.

For Dr. Abraham J. Froman's mustache perspective, check in every Wednesday on Asylum.