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Ah, fireworks, the stuff of patriotism and juvenile delinquency. Invented in the 12th century by the Chinese to blow up each other's mailboxes, the pyrotechnic goodies have since become more closely identified with American Independence Day celebrations and trips to the emergency room.

As a reminder to play it safe this Fourth of July, and to sate our own bitterness at living in a state where it's illegal to buy fireworks, we present a salute to (non-lethal) displays of pyrotechnic panic. With loud report! (Warning: Although no-one was seriously hurt in these clips, there is some seriously NSFW language in a few of them.)

Check out some particularly memorable displays of fireworks brilliance, after the jump.


The Literal Crotch Rocket
This highly uncomfortable clip reminded me of a cross between "Jackass" and the Buffalo Bill "tucking" scene from "Silence of the Lambs." Maybe this guy will stick to putting the lotion in the basket from now on.


You'll Never Be a War Correspondent
Another staple of fireworks failure is the hilarious spectacle of people fleeing in wettening pants, coupled with understandably shaky camera work. This lensman catches most of the action but, alas, ducks and covers during what sounds like the best part. C'mon, grow a set!


Meh
Eastern Europeans are badass. Watch how these Czechs barely even flinch.


The "Citizen Kane" of Fireworks Videos
This one has it all: the dazzling pyrotechnics, the spectators outrunning a fiery death, the panicky cameraman. Throw in some nudity, and you'd have the perfect video.


The "Save"
One of the constants in fireworks-mishap cinema is the moment of recognition that something isn't quite right, followed by abject panic. The great thing about this one is the way the guy thinks he has cleverly averted disaster with a quick-thinking tilt. Yeah, not so much. [NSFW for language]

Funny Fireworks mishap - Watch more Funny Videos

From the Web:
"Robot Chicken" Deleted Scene Army Firecracker (Adult Swim)