5. Iman, "Remember the Time"
John Singleton's video for "Remember the Time" doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Michael is some sort of magician who entertains the bored queen (Iman) of the Pharaoh (Eddie Murphy) with his dance moves and ability to turn into gold dust. Pretty soon everyone is dancing, and Magic Johnson is there as a guard for some reason. Iman perfected her knack for looking regal here, a skill she continues today as David Bowie's wife/arm candy.


4. Janet Jackson, "Scream"
Who cares if she's wearing a space-age shag carpet for half the video? Janet looks pretty smokin' in a gold bikini top (and raccoon-eye makeup) in her hit collaboration with Michael, still the most expensive video of all time. (Those space racquetball shots don't come cheap.) The video represented the high point of the "angry Michael" years, and was a favorite of ours during the summer of '95 when it basically played on MTV every 20 minutes. Though we could do without that part where Janet makes monster faces and pretends to pee standing up.


3. Naomi Campbell, "Keep It in the Closet"
Easily Michael's sexiest video, "Keep It in the Closet" comes courtesy of "Wicked Game" director Herb Ritts (which explains why it looks a lot like a Chris Isaak video). Campbell was the go-to music-video queen in the '90s, sexing up clips for everyone from George Michael ("Freedom") to Notorious B.I.G. "Keep It in the Closet," despite its unfortunate title, showcases Campbell at her peak, with a nary a jewel-encrusted cell phone in sight. Ah, the days when housekeepers and assistants were safe from the wrath of Naomi.


2. Ola Ray, "Thriller"
Michael's first video squeeze shot to fame after the ground-breaking "Thriller" began its nonstop rotation on MTV. Former "Playmate of the Month" Ray took on dual roles in the classic clip -- Michael's '50s era sweetheart (to whom he confesses, "I'm not like other guys") in the werewolf movie within the video and his big-haired '80s date who ends up getting chased by zombies. (Though you think she could escape, what with their constant dance breaks.) While Ray proved an able scream queen, future roles failed to materialize. In May of this year, Ray, now a stay-at-home mom, unsuccessfully sued Jackson over royalties from the video. Turns out the only thing scarier than zombies is Jackson's legal team.


1. Dirty Diana, "Dirty Diana"
Though we never fully see her face in the video, the song's titular vixen represents every '80s babe who ever walked in slo-mo wearing a tight dress and heels. In fact, Diana's pull is so great, Michael leaves the concert to meet her in the car outside. Runner-up: The big-haired, leather-clad guitar player MJ cozies up to in the video. We're still not sure if that's a lady or a dude.