Dolphins are large, highly intelligent and know first hand the mysteries of the sea. Yet we don't fear the aquatic beasts because they look cheerful and act friendly.

Well, you know what? So did Ted Bundy.

And now that an ominous report of hundreds of dolphins mysteriously surrounding New York has been followed by multiple sightings one of the "largest dolphin groupings ever" amassing off the coast of Great Britain, we must confront the possibility that our mammalian cousins may be planning for us a horror far worse than anything the deceased serial killer could have ever imagined.

Happy Independence Day, boys and girls, it may will be your last.