The nation's foremost mustache expert weighs in on breaking news.
A plane crash kills hundreds, a hurricane leaves thousands homeless, or a carjacking leads to senseless murder. These events often feel so common that we as a culture can become desensitized to it all. But every now and then, we see something in the news and think to ourselves, When will this madness end?
Such is the case this week at the Manchester Academy in Manchester, England, where 14-year-old Akaash Iqbal came to school with a garden of fur on his upper lip
. For his crime, young Akaash was sent home by the school's thought clerics and told not to return until he had vanquished his mouth brow to the depths of his bathroom sink.
His father, Asif Mahmood, who looks like a cross between an Oompa-Loompa and the lead singer of Survivor, put things into their proper perspective. "It's nonsense," he said. "They told us the mustache was not part of the uniform. I thought it was a joke at first."
An Oompa-Loompa never sounded so sanguinely sane, yet sadly, this is not the first time the American Mustache Institute
has witnessed such ignorance. More about the recent history of mustache discrimination, and what you can do about it, after the jump.
In December of 2007, the Royse City School District near Dallas, Texas, did the same to then 15-year-old Sebastian Pham
(pictured left, with his father). Sebastian, however, thought to involve the American Mustache Institute, and we rallied the community to have the rule overturned as they eventually realized their policy was a foolish violation of their students' civil liberties.
So while the charity-run Manchester Academy has a uniform policy that even staff are expected to comply with, the American Mustache Institute will not take this matter sitting down.
We are asking the clean-shaven, the Mustached American people, and those with lower-nose garments around the world to contact the school in protest. The address is Oxford Road / Manchester / M13 9PR.
Enough is indeed enough. Do not let this crime go unpunished, as we cannot forget that it is stated in the Dead Sea Scrolls that each time a mustache is shaved, an angel in heaven dies and falls to earth. And that, my friends, is the real crime. For Dr. Abraham J. Froman's mustache perspective, check in every Wednesday on Asylum.