After rising to lofty comedic heights with MTV's "The State" and later "Stella," Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter have finally landed a show they don't have to share with anyone else. (Take that, David Wain.) "Michael & Michael" is the story of two geniuses who just can't seem to get along. To give you an idea, the debut features a bare-chested brawl and the worst word ever invented. Spoiler alert: It's a racial slur, plus unicorns.

We recently asked the duo how they stack up to some other famous Michaels. Along the way we learned more than we expected about Showalter's rage issues and Ian Black's taste for messy sexual fetishes.

Michael Jackson. When you go out in public like the late MJ used to do, who is more swamped by screaming teenage fans?

Black: Both of us are such victims of the stalkerazzi. When you're at our level of fame it's impossible to move, anywhere. Especially North Korea. We have a huge fan base in North Korea. Kim Jong Il is a fan. And so whatever he likes sort of by default everyone else likes. Their state-run television shows almost nothing but "Stella."
Showalter: And, in fact, [during] their military parades, they wear suits.

More from the Michaels on Michaels, after the jump.

Michael Cera is known for being awkward and adorable. Of the two of you, who's the more lovably awkward? Who's cuter?

Black: There's no question that Showalter's cuter in terms of ...
Showalter: ... attractiveness to women?
Black: I wasn't going to say attractiveness to women. I was going to say 'looking like a chimp.'
Showalter: Wow. OK.

Michael Phelps. This is someone who achieved greatness and then made headlines by smoking pot and getting lap dances. Which one of you would be more likely to pull a Phelps?

Black: Probably me. I have a swimmer's body. If you were to just see me and Michael Phelps side by side, shirt off, but you couldn't see our heads, you'd have a hard time distinguishing between us. You'd also have a hard time if you just saw our bongs -- you wouldn't know whose was whose. And "bongs" is a euphemism.

Michael "Mike" Tyson. Of the two of you, who would be more bloodthirsty in a fight? Who might bite someone's ear off?

Showalter: I'm known for my pretty bad temper.
Black: You have rage issues.
Showalter: I am a rage-aholic. When I order iced coffee and they don't put enough ice in it ...
Black: You did bite off a barista's ear for that.

Michael Moore. Who's more likely to become obese?

Showalter: I'm already there. I'm on my way.
Black: You're like Michael Moore in "Fahrenheit 9/11." But you're not current Michael Moore.
Showalter: Do you know who Gil Gerard is? Gil Gerard was Buck Rogers. He was a TV leading man of his generation. He now is on a TV show on the Discovery Health channel where he's, like, traveling around the country talking to people who've had their stomachs stapled -- because he's so fat now. That's where I'm afraid that I'm gonna go.
Black: But he's got a job!
Showalter: I'm gonna be my generation's Gil Gerard.
Black: Except that he was actually a sex symbol and a leading man. You are kind of a buffoon and a fool.
Showalter: Thanks, Mike.

Michael W. Smith. Let's say you decided to become very religious and you wanted to lead people to a religious awakening. Which of you has the charisma?

Black: Definitely not me.
Showalter: I have a deep faith in God.
Black: But do you have a deep faith in leading people?
Showalter: No. I would like to be a shepherd, but not of people. Of sheep.
Black: You took that's shepherding class at the Learning Annex.
Showalter: I had to spend like $300 and got one of those sticks that shepherds have.

Michael Myers. Who's more likely to stalk teens and go on a killing spree?

Black: Did Mike Myers go on a killing spree? That is horrible! I know he likes hockey because he's Canadian, but I had no idea ... I guess after "The Love Guru" he probably had a lot of anger.
Showalter: Wait, Mike Myers went on a killing spree this morning?

Not the one you're thinking of, but if he did and you had the same anger issues -- let's say Comedy Central cancels the show -- who's more likely to go on a killing spree?

Black: I actually think I'm more likely. Showalter is better at expressing his anger; he doesn't bottle it up. I might just decide that I've got nothing to live for and I'm taking down a few motherf**kers with me.
Showalter: But I think there's something way more important that we need to get at, which is: Mike Myers went on a killing spree?

No, Mike Myers, the actor, did not kill anyone today.

Showalter: It's too late, I've already Twittered about it.

"Michael & Michael" premieres Wednesday night on Comedy Central.