Candy seems to be the final frontier in man's inexorable effort to mix everything with booze. Whether it's because single-malt Bubble Tape doesn't seem like a good idea to anyone, or because of that whole don't-market-alcohol-to-children nonsense, the marriage of candy and liquor remains a partnership fraught with unrealized potential.
Thankfully, several creative souls around the world have stepped up to the challenge. From a brittle made with beer to a Gummy Bear born of absinthe, we present our favorite candy-aisle confections that kick way harder than Pixie Stix ever could. 10. Kahlúa Chocolate Bar
Real talk here: Kahlúa, and its Bailey's ilk, is kinda stomach-churning. Why do you think the Irish Car Bomb exists? Because only a full pint of Guinness can make you forget that you're essentially drinking alcoholic heavy cream. Same with Kahlúa. But mix it with milk chocolate and press it into a bar
, and we're sold. Just keep it away from our coffee. Nibble on the rest of our favorite booze-infused candies after the jump ...
9. Petrossian Wine-Filled Chocolates
If you're familiar with Petrossian, then we tip our monocles to you. Famous for its Russian caviar (which can set you back $800 per ounce), the tony purveyor of pâtés, foie gras and truffles also comes correct with a line of hand-filled chocolates
. What are they hand-filled with? Why, Champagne and Cabernet Sauvignon, of course! Think of each box as saving you the effort of attempting a trendy wine-and-chocolate pairing, which we'd prolly just screw up anyways.
8. Absinthe Gummy Bear
New York's Tailor restaurant is known for being a mad-scientist laboratory of genre-bending creations. Gin marshmallows? White Russian cereal? They're all possible here. Chef Sam Mason even turns that candy-aisle staple of innocence, the gummy bear, into a subversive "solid cocktail,"
thanks to the help of absinthe. Easier than it sounds, the gummy comes together with a good ol' fashioned corn starch mold and the 19th-century's favorite mind eraser suspended in gelatin. When our nephew won't shut up about Thomas the Tank Engine, we slip him a couple. 7. Pint Pots
We go back and forth about gummies. Sure we ate those worms by the wiggly handful as kids, but once the gummy world started spinning off into increasingly bizarre permutations, like gummy bricks, gummy hot dogs, and gummy body parts, we went back to Nerds. Had we known about Pint Pots's beer-bottle gummies
we would never have strayed from the pack. Described as "perfect for a booze hound" (sound like anyone you know?), they're also supposedly an acquired taste. Thankfully we acquired that a long time ago. 6. Crown Nuggets Borrachitos
Since you probably failed high school Spanish like us, we'll help you out with translating these delicious borrachitos
. Meaning "the little drunks," these dulce de leche
nuggets from Guadalajara were the inspired creation of Antonio Aguas Beserra, who in 1946 decided to combine his beloved grandmother's candy recipe with his beloved liquor, tequila! Made of 100 percent whole-milk caramel and cane sugar, these little diablos pack a 4-percent-alcohol punch. Keep your inebriated eyes open for their new flavors: whiskey and vodka.5. Rum Balls
We had this neighbor once who specialized in these suckers. She'd make batches for her company holiday parties and invite us over to taste-test them. What we didn't know the first time out is that you don't bake rum balls, so all the alcohol remains intact
. By the ninth one in under 15 minutes, though, we started to come to that conclusion ourselves. At least the next morning's "walk of shame" was quick. 4. Anette's Beer Brittle
Since you're already stuffing your face with cocktail peanuts at the bar, this is obviously the next logical step. Made with Spanish peanuts, amber ale and a touch of salt, this hoppy take on the old-school classic
is the perfect way to deliciously chip a tooth ... before your next bar fight knocks it out.
3. Alcohol Truffles
When a boy becomes a man he desires to leave behind certain trappings of his youth like, say, stuffing little chocolate bottles of liquor in his pants. As a more erudite and discerning adult, he instead chooses finely crafted chocolate truffles with rum, single malt scotch and champagne
, all lovingly cradled in fine packaging that speaks to his refinement. Since we've personally never made it there ourselves, we save the left pocket for bottles and the right for truffles. 2. Anton Berg Chocolate Liqueurs
Sure, the chocolate may be only one grade above those pirate coins in quality, but how can you beat Jack Daniel's, Cointreau, Grand Marnier and Cutty Shark all concealed in mini, edible, bottle shapes? Answer -- you can't.
1. Bon Bon Bar
For these we would gladly ruin our dinner. Using Talisker 1992 Distiller's Edition Single Malt Scotch from the Isle of Skye, the Bon Bon Bar is everything you hold dear in this world wrapped into one convenient package
. A single malt scotch ganache paired with caramel, swathed in dark chocolate and finished with Maldon sea salt. Our heads are cocked back in a Homer Simpson-esque drool pose as we type this.