Video game characters need lovin', too. After saving the princess, freeing the world from the tyranny of an evil despot, or halting the spread of a zombie virus, it'd be nice for our polygonal saviors to have a warm body to snuggle up with in bed. Thanks to the Internet and the online meat market that is Craigslist, every character -- from the completely artificial to the artificially aged due to a mutated, genetically engineered virus -- has a shot at getting some. So we decided to post some personal ads as if written by your favorite game characters. And if you think that's crazy, wait until you read some of the actual replies we received.Check out video game characters looking for love on the Internet
, after the jump.
Leon S. Kennedy (Resident Evil 4)
Looking for someone to do some "overtime" with ...
I'm an athletic SWM looking for an athletic lady (preferably Asian) to heat up my lonely nights, rain or shine. I work for the government so I have little time to myself, but the right woman could convince me to settle down. If you're high-maintenance and expect me to jump through hoops or laser-filled hallways please don't waste your time replying. Must be independent, adventurous, and into the green herb ... gun-enthusiasm is a plus. Reply
:"Hey,I saw your post on Craigslist and I'm interested in having some fun this week.I love to get f--ed from behind over your desk ... i wanna show up in my peacoat with some thigh highs on, and nothing else ... and get worked from behind ...Here are my stats: 22 years old, 5'6, 138lbs, brown hair, brown eyes.Also, I'm available pretty much anytime after 6 p.m. most days including tonight.I hope to hear back from you."Little Sister (BioShock)
Hot little 18yo sister looking for her "Big daddy"!!!
Hi guys!!! I just turned 18 and I'm looking for a hunk to bring me Rapture! No fatties! I want a musculer guy with a big "drill" (*winkwink*) who knows his way around the bedroom. I'm up for anything (except water sports -- ewww!). Teach me please!!! ;) Replies:"Hello, Which country are you in? I am interested. I have huge horse sized black d--k.XO,XO,XO""u for real? 30+ experienced/mature big stick for you...you local on aruba??"GLaDOS (Portal)
Do you like cake? I have some for you.
Hello. I am looking for a submissive test subject of either sex to take part in a love experiment. My last subject broke my heart and tore me to pieces and was a bitter, unlikable loner whose passing shall not be mourned, so please only reply if you have the following traits: Loyalty, courage, strict adherence to protocol, and a love of science. No androids please.
If you are the pride of <subject hometown here> and require a dominant force guiding you through the many rooms of life, please contact me."Hello,I am ready willing and able to help you with your experiment.I am the pride of <home town here> and what ever other town/city I have lived in.Let me know what are the requirements are to participate in this study. I match all the listed criteria and am a pretty nice guy too. Sometimes goofy, sometimes too passionate but overall someone friends love and enemies kind of like.I also like cake."Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid)
Love. Love never changes.
Middle-aged military man looking for a strong, young redhead to do some "wetwork" and remind this old soldier how to live. I've had a rough time lately -- my estranged father came back into my life only for me to unintentionally kill him -- so good listening skills is a big plus.
My hobbies include gun collecting, genetics, cloning, nanomachines, and conspiracy theories. I'm an avid reader and have a genius level IQ, so I'd like a woman who can do more than beautifully fill out a uniform.
My heart feels like it's been trapped in a cardboard box. Can you set it free?Reply:"Im interested in your ad. Message me on digging4gold82973@<domain deleted>.com when ur around and we can swap pictures and maybe plan somethin for this week."Mario (Super Mario Bros.)
It's-a me -- husky Bi-curious Pisan guy looking for someone to plumb my green pipe
I'm-a no shy guy, so no reply if you have the inhibitions. I want the big man who can take me on a moustache ride and make me scream, "WAHOOO!" My last relationship was tame and I get no sex for over 20 years. She was gold coin-digging princess and I'm-a always having to save her. Now I want try alternative lifestyle.
Responders must be-a drug-free (no mushrooms, etc.), into sports, and love to party.Reply: "texas guy here i come to rome alot for work...sound like you would be fun to have sex with.. what do you like i am a very good sucker....and i swallow...let me know... i like to do this"