Old Navy swim trunks top out at $19.50, and since summer is already in full swing you can score a pair for half that. So why would you pay any more? Well, because Old Navy shorts look like you've given up. The homogenized design and endless inseam does about as much for your mojo on the beach as zinc oxide and man tits.

I know this from personal experience. I've also tried various other board shorts, and felt equally defeated as I do not own a board (the one in the picture is a loaner) or enjoy sporting the oafish offspring of capris and Jams.

So when the British swimwear designer Orlebar Brown sent me a pair of their classic surf shorts, I was interested to see what a tailored trunk was all about. But before trying them on I did the currency exchange and realized these freakin' things clock in at $190. Could they possibly be worth it? More importantly, would they make me look like some dandy Euro clown at the Jersey Shore?

After the jump, I answer these questions and many others about Orlebar Brown's $190 trunks.

For Lounging
First off, you should know these shorts are tailored for the svelte. If you've abused your midsection with Belgian brews, meat-lovers pizzas and a general distrust of aerobic exercise, buy a size or two larger than normal. The classic short cut will look classic only if your quivering side flaps don't ooze over the waistband.

I didn't know that. I tried to squeeze into 32s, and created a slight tear near the snap after a few wears. A short weep later, I made the decision to be proactive by committing to an eating disorder. Yes, I was immediately smitten by these trunks and wanted them to like me.

For Swimming
The shorter length provides a free range of motion that unnecessarily long board shorts restrict. At the same time, the inside netting allows sand to pass through, while miraculously also providing the junk support men need when being tossed around by the sea. Alas, at $190, you feel guilty emptying your bladder in the surf.

For Sporting
If you've never played Nerf Vortex, it's basically football played with a small oblong Nerf ball connected to a flagella-like tail. The Orlebar Brown shorts are a little high-end for Vortex games, but my fellow Jersey Shore competitors did not chastise me. That being said, these are probably more appropriate for yachting than tossing around foam with the cast of "Growing Up Gotti."

For Overall-ing
I'm a fan. If you've got the disposable income, these are some top-notch trunks. If you're trying to make ends meet, feed the kids instead. And if you're deep in credit card debt, I'd also say go for it -- you'll probably never actually pay for them anyway.

For more fun with product testing, check out Asylum's superficial review of the 2010 Volkswagen GTI.

All Orlebar Brown photos by Michael Persico.