If you have a hankering to appear cultured yet want to let visitors and family alike know of your passion for breasts, you can pick up a copy of Theodore Rasbury's "Things Better Than Boobs," a book that clocks in at 100 pages of pure, white paper and no content whatsoever.

Get it? There are no things better than boobs. High-five!

But what if there were things better than boobs? Before the team at "60 Minutes" scoops the investigation, after the jump we see if we can come up with anything in the world, through all time, better than boobs.

Google tells us that at one point Chuck Norris may, in fact, have been better than boobs, though it's hard to gauge the criteria for such a claim.

Much of the rest of what Google has to offer qualifies as NSFW and/or reaffirms that nothing is actually better than boobs, with the exception of this blog that wants to make some manner of argument for the potential awesomeness of boobs on bikes. We'll have to get a little more scientific.

This site claims the best thing in the world is open-mindedness. That's a little esoteric, but OK. Logically then, open mindedness plus boobs would be better than either of its constituent parts. WikiAnswers assures us that the best thing in the world is a smile. Arguably boobs with a smile are superior to angry, scowling boobs.

When we stumbled upon a poem entitled "The Best Thing in the World" by 19th-century poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning, we thought we'd found an answer. Until we read the final conclusion -- "What's the best thing in the world?/Something out of it, I think." Say what, sister?

Let us know in the comments if you can think of anything better than boobs. We're stumped.